Hopeful Insights

2010-09-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

So sorry for the lag in updating; it has been oh so crazy around here lately. I've been trying to simultaneously step up two big challenges- getting more of my writing published as well as improving my photography (and thinking of doing some professional work). I really want these things for myself and I also really want to show my kids that dreams should be big and be chased! Unfortunately that leaves little time for blogging about my favorite subject, unschooling. We're leaving for a much anticipated trip to Walt Disney World tomorrow and I am definately going to make time when we get back! Until then, I thought you might enjoy this link...

Fellow unschooling mamma Anna Kiss shared this short but oh so sweet documentary about unschooling. It's so nice to see a fair and positive image of unschooling so I just had to share.

Woohoo!

2010-08-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd share that I pitched a slightly modified version of my blog post titled "But what would you do?" to Life Learning Magazine and they accepted! It will appear in the Nov/Dec issue right along with the 'real' writers. :-D

2010-08-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

A while back I wrote a post about college. I was interested in college at that time for reasons explained in that post and I also wanted to illustrate that it is possible to go on to college after unschooling. However I did not address a fundamental tenant of unschooling philosophy- not everyone needs to go to college.

I can hear the gasps and see the heads shaking now. There is a prevalent myth in our culture that college is necessary for success and happiness and that without a college education your children will end up 'flipping burgers' for the rest of their lives. As tuition costs continue to rise faster than the rate of inflation many universities are banking on you believing that myth; but what are the facts?

The cost of a degree varies significantly depending on the school chosen. Earning a degree at state school costs about $30k on average and averages about $100k at a private school. The amount of time spent earning a degree also varies by school and course of study but on average it takes about 55 months.

That's a lot of time an money, so what's the payoff? Well, lets look at some statistics on earning potential:

Level of education/ Median salary
Advanced degree/ $69,056
Bachelor’s degree/ $53,300
Some college/associates’s degree/ $37,752
High school diploma, no college/ $32,552
Less than high school diploma/ $23,608

At first glance it seems pretty obvious that earning a degree is worth the time and money invested. However statistics can only show us part of the story. I have a bachelors degree and after ten years in education my salary was hovering near the top of the median for those with only a high school diploma. My husband on the other hand, who has no post-secondary training, has always earned more than me. Obviously, the field one chooses can play just as significant a role in salary as level of education. So, when analyzing this data keep in mind that these are MEDIAN salaries- so half the people in these categories are earning more and half are earning less.

In the recent economy it also seems wise to consider how level of education affects job stability.

Level of education/ Unemployment rate
Bachelor’s degree or higher/ 5.0%
Some college/associate’s degree/ 8.0%
High school diploma, no college/ 10.5%
Less than high school diploma/ 15.6%

Again, compelling statistics that show job security increases with level of education. Higher salaries and lower unemployment rates- college should be a no brainer, right?

Not so fast! After looking over these facts it becomes quite clear that while a degree offers statistical advantages for a higher earning potential and job security it is neither a guarantee or a prerequisite for either. Furthermore this data can only measure tangibles such as level of education and income. Intangibles such as drive, passion and job satisfaction are ignored. The statistics also can not take into consideration that while most people finish college for the same reasons (in pursuit of a specific job, income level or status) the reasons NOT to go to or finish college are vast. When it is an educated and well thought out decision it doesn't have to be a hindrance at all.

You may be wondering at this point, what are some educated, well thought out reasons not to go to college? A few instantly spring to mind though I'm sure there are many, many more:
-a passion or drive to pursue a career that isn't offered as a major course of study
-a learning style that isn't conducive to a college setting
-a unique opportunity to learn a trade in a non-traditional setting

What does this mean for unschoolers?

It will mean various things for various unschoolers. For us it simply means that there are many paths to success; including but not limited to college. When the kids are older and ready to start making decisions about their career paths we will guide them in the process of asking some important questions:

1- How do you want to earn a living?
2- What type of schooling and/or training will be necessary to make that happen?

Sometimes it will become clear that college is necessary and if that is the career path chosen then it is the responsibility of unschooling parents to assist and facilitate their child/ren in making that goal attainable. Other times it will become clear that an apprenticeship or entry level position with a company is a more realistic path for the goals chosen. Still other times practice and small scale freelance work might be the first practical step on the path to success (such as with a writer, photographer or musician). The important thing is to approach the process with an open mind and be ready to continue challenging the status quo. As an unschooler you probably already have lots of practice at this. ;-)

Source for statistical data can be found here.

2010-07-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

I suppose some of you have noticed that I haven't been meeting my self-imposed deadline. There are a couple of reasons for this. First of all life has been busy lately with lots of summer activity. Second of all I haven't been inspired by a topic and I really don't want this space to be over-run with filler just so I can post something weekly. I need to rethink and regroup my strategy.

2010-06-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

Education is, as always, a hot topic in the political landscape of America. It seems everyone has an opinion about the best way educate our youth and for every opinion there are studies and experts to back them up. I see the range of possibilities and understand how it can be confusing for parents to know who to believe and figure out which method is the 'right' method. I don't think there is a 'right' method for everyone and that it is important for each of us to know the choices available and use that information to help us find the direction that our instincts point us to. Unfortunately I think many parents are not aware of the wide variety of choices they have or are overwhelmed by them and therefore stick to the status quo, no matter how stressful or maddening it seems to be.

There is a documentary called Race to Nowhere: The Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture that explores the growing amount of pressure placed on teens in America to succeed. I follow the filmmakers on Facebook as do many other parents. I am astounded by the amount of stress and pressure that parents are posting about but am even more astounded that they accept it as inevitable and see themselves as powerless against it. Students with hours of homework, no time for family or friends, being bullied by teachers and other students, the sad list of concerns facing parents is long and many feel hopeless and trapped within the system. Many of them are counting on the documentary, activists, and government leaders to enact change; I agree that all of those things need to happen. However in the meantime kids are suffering while we are waiting. Change is available right now in many forms. The beauty of choice is that we can all look at our unique children, families, financial needs/ obligations and decide what is right for us. But no matter what your situation you do have choices.

Choice #1: Homeschool
Unschooling falls under the umbrella of homeschooling but there are many forms of homeschooling. There are school-at-home types who have classrooms in their houses and strictly follow the school model all the way to the radical unschoolers like us. Most homeschoolers fall somewhere in between and find their own balance and rhythm. Many parents feel they can't homeschool if both parents need to work but there are a lot of people who make it work. Their kids are in daycare (cheaper than private school), family members help out or parents work different shifts. These may not be realistic possibilities for everyone but it is an option worth exploring if you are unhappy with your current situation.

Choice #2: School Choice
Private school, charter schools, magnet schools, or even paying tuition for your child to attend a different school district. Charter and magnet schools are public and therefore free but can be difficult to get into. Private schools and choosing another district may be expensive. None of these options are perfect but are worth exploring. If you look at your budget or find charter/magnet schools in your area and find that you are interested don't just assume that different equals better. Look around, meet with not only school personnel but parents and children who attend these schools. Come to these meetings armed with a list of questions that outline what is important to you.

If you are concerned about time for creativity and play, ask not only if it exists but how the school defines these things. Ask about the things that you wish were different in the school you want to leave as well as the things you'd like about it. Class sizes, teaching methods, discipline policies, grading systems and homework policies are just a few things that you should be interested in. Decide what you can compromise with and what are your deal breakers.

Choice #3: Guerrilla Learning
I've linked this choice to Amazon where you can find the book by this title. The authors lay out ways to take back your kids education and use school as it was originally intended- a resource for education, not the whole of education. Guerrilla learning is a great option for parents who simply don't have the resources for home or private schooling. It is a way to utilize the current system without becoming enslaved to it. It is more about a change of attitude than anything else. One of my favorite quotes from the book:

Like many other things in life, school can be a poor master but a good servant. As flawed as school is, it still wouldn't be such a problem if parents and kids didn't perceive it as the only source of learning and the final authority on education.

In other words don't be enslaved to the system- it isn't and can't be everything. You have a choice to limit the amount of homework your child will do each night, of how many extra-curricular activities they will join, how many advanced classes they will take. Don't assume more is better- talk with your children and establish goals for their education beyond diplomas and awards and then make informed choices based upon those goals.

I'm sure there are more options that I haven't mentioned or thought of and I'd love to hear them as I'm sure would other parents. The important thing is not which choice you make but that it is mindful and takes the needs of your family into consideration. Too many people are choosing by default and their families suffer for it.

A link you might enjoy...

2010-06-13T06:59:00.001-07:00

On an unschooling forum to which I belong there was recently a discussion about unschooling being a privilege of the first world while families in the third world want nothing more than for their children to attend school. I couldn't possibly express my feelings on this topic better than freelearners did in this blog post.

Needs and wants

2010-06-12T13:45:00.001-07:00

Distinguishing between needs and wants seemed really simple when I was child. We were taught the basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, water and air and it seemed pretty straight forward- everything else is a want, not a need. But then I grew up. I realized that I had needs beyond basic survival and that I might have life but wasn't really living if those needs weren't being met. In college this understanding was given a name when I learned of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. There has been some research to suggest that the hierarchy is pure myth- needs are needs and one is no more important than the other. Others contend that Maslow had it right because one can't begin to think about 'higher' needs if certain basic needs aren't being met. Whichever side of the argument people fell on however, the one thing everyone seemed to be in agreement about was the actual needs Maslow had put forward. These include:

paraphrased from Wikipedia

1.Physiological Needs
These are those basic needs many of us learned as children. Maslow believed that all other needs were secondary to these. On this point I agree with the hierarchy theory. It's difficult to care about much else when you are starving.

2.Security Needs
The need for safety and security include a desire for steady employment, health insurance, safe neighborhoods, etc.

3.Social Needs
These include needs for belonging, love and affection. Maslow considered these needs to be less basic than physiological and security needs and this is where I depart from his theory. I believe that the homeless, the hungry, the sick, the unemployed have a strong need for relationships. Their friendships, partners, and families may become even more important in their time of need.

4.Esteem Needs
The term self-esteem has been devalued in our society but the need for esteem is still vital. This is our sense of self worth and our belief that we have value in the world.

5.Self-actualizing Needs
Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others and interested fulfilling their potential.

When I look at all of the needs I begin to think about how I parent a little differently. My children have these same needs and it is my responsibility to ensure that ALL of them are met, not just those basic physiological and security needs that are self evident in parenting. This becomes tricky because the line between wants and needs become blurry. When I make something for dinner that one of my kids doesn't like they don't need me to make something different but they do need to feel valued in the day to day decisions made for our family. Kya doesn't need dance lessons but she does need the opportunity to actualize her goals and dreams. The same is true for Jace's desire to build his own gaming system. These are not frivolous desires but yearnings to fulfill their innermost needs.

The line between needs and wants is further muddied for children. In a recent discussion on an unschooling forum a member known as annakiss had this to say:

I think that children cannot often distinguish between wants and needs and that this is a good way of considering their perspective on matters. It does not mean that all wants should be considered needs, but that the desires of children are very serious to them and the expectations of adults should reflect rather than deny that.

In other words, it may not be a need but that doesn't mean the request shouldn't be treated with respect. Imagine if you went to your spouse/partner and stated a desire to purchase something important to you. Instead of talking it through and seeing if it were possible, empathizing if it it's not your spouse begins to lecture you about how great you have it and that you should be grateful instead of asking for more. That would not endear my husband to me (to say the least). Eventually I'd stop seeing him as a partner and instead as an adversary. This is what happens when we dismiss our children's requests. It may seem frivolous when Kya asks for another American Girl or Jace wants a new video game but these things are important to them. I realize, just now as I'm typing this, that one of the reasons I've been dismissive in the past is because I feel guilty. I WANT to give these things to my kids and I can't so instead of acknowledging the desire I try to diminish it, thus diminishing my guilt for being unable to provide the object of their desire.

So, when it comes to needs and wants I'm trying to say yes more and I'm trying to be respectful and empathetic when I must say no.

"But what do you do?"

2010-06-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

A lot of discussions about unschooling focus on the philosophy; why we believe children learn better this way, why we say yes more often, why we choose trust and respect over fear and control. But new unschoolers, or those thinking about unschooling, don't want to know WHY, they generally already have at least a rudementary understanding of why. What they really want to know is HOW. Unschooling message boards and email loops are full of parents asking the question, "What do I do?" All too often they are given vague replies such as, "Just live your life." This leaves some people with the misunderstanding that unschooling is passive and parents aren't supposed to do anything to help their children learn. On the contrary unschooling has led me to be more actively involved in my children's lives, not less.

Before I attempt to answer this question I want to say up front that I don't think unschoolers are the only families that choose to do the things I'm about to describe. I have seen lots of people who's children are schooled, either at home or somewhere else, who have these types of interactions with their child. The difference between unschoolers and others is that we believe this is enough; the kids are learning everything they need to from simply living life in a purposeful, present, respectful environment. Furthermore, I don't think all unschoolers are doing exactly these things and I'm sure there are some valuable things other unschoolers are doing that we don't. These are simply the things that works for us.

Pay attention to children's interests and help them facilitate their growth.

Facilitation can take on many forms. If I notice an area of interest I try to send them links to websites, record TV shows, check out books from the library, rent movies, tell them about classes/workshops and suggest outings. How and what they utilize from these is entirely up to them but most of the time they like the things I share with them because I know them well enough to know the things they like.

In addition to sharing information I also provide support in the form of taking them to classes, buying the supplies they need, watching them practice, attending recitals and trying to authentically share in their enthusiasm (this is generally in the form of asking questions and letting them share their excitement even when I may not have previously been interested in the topic at hand).

Learn to walk the fine line between pushing and encouraging.

There is no guilt or sense of responsibility to follow through with my suggestions and if they lose interest after a lot of time and/or money has been invested that's okay. Kya loves dance today and I do all I can to encourage her and see the present value in what she's learning, not only about dance but how to carry herself and the intrinsic value of following your passions. However, no matter how much talent or passion I see I won't push her take more classes than she's ready for and if sometime in the future she decides dance isn't for her, that's okay too. It's important to all of us that the kids remain in the driver seat when it comes to their interests and that support doesn't become expectation.

Meet your child on his/her learning field.

I try to pay attention to the things that spark inquisition in my kids. Jace asks lots of questions when he watches TV or reads online. Kya is more inquisitive when she reads books or we go on outings. This doesn't mean that Jace never learns from books or Kya never from TV just that I notice what they are each drawn to most often. As a result of knowing this I'm better able to meet their needs and I don't waste a lot of time wishing Jace would read more or that Kya was more technologically savvy. I see value in both of their learning styles and am happy to help them work within their nature instead of against it.

Take children's questions seriously, even when it is inconvenient or uncomfortable.

I can't tell you how many times one of my kids has asked a question in the middle of a TV show or while I was trying to read. I also couldn't begin to count how many in depth questions have cropped up after 9 PM. It would be so easy at times like these to give short answers and basically blow off the child asking the question. But I don't. When the show is over, the chapter ends or tomorrow when I'm less tired the question won't be relevant any more and an opportunity for learning will have been lost. So when one of my kids asks, "What's a spleen," instead of saying, "An organ," and leaving it at that I might also ask if they'd like to google it to see where the spleen is and what it does. (This really happened and Kya and I ended up with a full size map of the body at 11 PM.) I am willing to take their questions as far as they want to go but am also always careful to follow my child's lead. When they stop responding to my suggestions its time to stop making them.

Some questions may not be inconvenient so much as uncomfortable. Jace heard the word erection on TV the other day and wanted to know what it meant. A few days before that he had a question about why I was buying feminine hygiene products again. These types of questions used to make me stammer but now they are just par for the course. I love that he can ask me anything and have seen it make him more confident in questioning other adults. Recently on a visit to the doctor he was able to speak directly to the doctor, ask questions and contemplate his responsibilities in getting well. At 11 years old he has taken more charge of his health than many adults and I'm confident that it's because we've created a safe environment for asking questions.

Seek opportunities for meaningful discussions.

If I'm reading, watching TV or hear about something that I think the kids should know about I share it with them. Just a simple, "Did you know..." or something along those lines. I don't really see these as 'teachable moments' so much as a desire to share information, much like I would with a friend. Discussing philosophy and current events is a natural part of my life and I share it with my kids with no hidden agenda. If they seem interested we'll discuss further, if not we don't. When I shared the news about the BP oil leak with them they wanted to know more and both impressed me with their questions, comments, and desire to help. When I shared news about the primary elections they couldn't have cared less- but you never know what will strike their interest if you don't talk with them about what's happening in the world.

Invite your child on outings as often as possible.

A trip to the ballet solidified Kya's budding desire to take dance more seriously and she was able to perform a small part with a real ballet company just a few months later. Outings are an important part of our unschooling experience and I invite the kids on as many excursions as we can manage. But, I use the word invite because they may not want to go.

Kya loves to get out of the house and is up for just about anything but I realized a while back that Jace prefers to be at home. When I stopped worrying about it and let him be himself it made life so much easier. I still try to find places I think he'll enjoy and sometimes he chooses to go, while other times he chooses to stay home. I have found that he's not interested in parks or libraries so I've stopped pushing him to go to these (although I do still invite him because you never know). But, I know that if I really want to get him out of the house I need to look for things on his learning field, not mine- when I do this he's happy to join us. Recently he's been to City Museum (an interactive children's museum where kids can climb on EVERYTHING), the swimming pool and a Mixed Martial Arts fight. The MMA fight wouldn't have been my first choice but he LOVED it and had a great evening with his dad. I want him to experience the world but I recognize that it's more valuable if it's on his terms.

Strew
I touched on this a bit when I wrote about noticing their interests. Strewing is the act of putting things out you think they may like. Checking out a library book and leaving it on their bed, forwarding a link to a great website, telling them about a new movie. I included it separately because in addition to doing this with things I know they are already interested in I also strew things I think they MIGHT be interested in if they were exposed. It's a big world out there and I certainly don't expect my kids to automatically know all it has to offer. I see it as my responsibility to expose them to great works of literature, history, other cultures, etc. Unschooling doesn't mean sitting on your hands and waiting for them to discover Mark Twain on their own. However it does mean that I have no vested interest in their response to things I strew. If a book goes unread, a link is ignored or movie unwatched I'm okay with that. It was just a suggestion and they're free to take it or leave it.

Create opportunities for fun and learning will often be a pleasant side effect.

We have a lot of fun. We laugh, we play, we learn. Fun and building relationships is often our goal and learning usually flows from that. I've found that trying to construct fun around learning is much more difficult and less authentic than just focusing on the fun and letting the learning happen naturally. Board games, for example, are something we all love, Kya especially. They do learn a lot from them but a while back I stopped trying to make the games about learning and focused on the fun. The funny thing is that when I did this the fun AND the learning increased.

Many times looking for fun in daily activities also leads to unexpected learning. Recently when I was cleaning a vase I used baking soda and vinegar and I knew the kids would want to see the reaction. Kya was busy but I showed Jace and he proceeded to take the materials outside to try some experiments on his own. Later he wanted to look up what causes the bubbles which was great but it also would have been okay if it had gone no further and he'd just had a fun afternoon watching bubbles explode. The learning was a natural byproduct of the fun, not the other way around

So, that's it. Pretty simple but also pretty difficult at times. Unschooling isn't the easy way out by any means and it can be frustrating to be available to your kids so much of the time. But knowing I've helped them create an environment where they are comfortable asking questions, experimenting, having fun and learning is worth it.

Note: This was originally the '100 Little Things' post but I soon realized that a list stating that we discussed vocabulary while watching TV eight times or forwarded 4 links to their email accounts was pretty boring and not necessarily relevant to a larger audience. Instead I tried to combine and condense the information I gathered to make it more useful for the average unschooler.

Television

2010-06-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

TV viewing is a hot button issue in the unschooling world. Extremists on both sides of the argument throw out statistics, science and anecdotal stories to support their view and it makes it confusing for some to know what to believe. I choose to believe what I see happening with my own children, right before my eyes.

I have seen TV suck Jace in at times, I myself have been sucked in by TV at times. It can be numbing and a completely passive experience that results in hours upon hours of energy zapping, mindless viewing. The natural response of some parents when they see this happening is to limit the time spent in front of the TV. Other parents believe that lack creates desire and that if children are just allowed to watch as much TV as they want then they will eventually get their fill and make better choices for themselves without intervention from the parents. I reject both of these ideas for my family.

I don't think the amount of TV being watched is the issue most of the time. I think HOW TV is being watched is the bigger issue. My kids have pretty much unlimited access to television but they rarely watch it alone. Most of the time I watch with them and we discuss what we see as we watch. It might be a silly cartoon and we'll discuss how irony or parody are used in comedy. It might be a sit-com and the discussion will be about human relationships. Dramas usually bring up discussions about decision making. All shows can lead to discussions about plot and character development and why writers choose specific things to imply things to the viewer. These discussions are so second nature that I've noticed lately that the kids do it when they are watching TV together with no adults in the room. I'd be willing to bet that when they're watching alone they have some similar internal dialogue.

For me unschooling is about meeting my kids where they are, using the tools and methods which they respond to instead of those I WISH they would respond to. Jace in particular responds to television so this is where I meet him and it then becomes my responsibility to help him facilitate positive learning experiences with the tools he has chosen. I don't think TV is the only way or a superior way to help kids learn but I think it is equally neutral to all other tools. When left to their own devices and used as a babysitter it becomes harmful. When used as a place for discussion to begin it becomes a valuable resource. The harm or value isn't in the TV, its in the use.

I can already hear some protests about not having time to sit down and watch TV with kids but I doubt I'd hear the same argument being made for a kid who wanted to play lots of board games or read with an adult. I'm not at home with my kids so that the dishes are always done or to cook gourmet meals. I'm home with them because I believe the best way for them to learn is on their own terms and therefore their learning is my top priority. So, about 80% of the TV they watch, I watch with them. We laugh, we discuss, we learn together.

College

2010-05-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about colleges that are a good fit for unschoolers. It's a little silly for me to be spending a lot of time on this topic because it will be several years before I even need to give the issue serious thought but nevertheless I find myself scouring lists of homeschool friendly and non-traditional colleges and then looking at admission requirements for the schools that seem promising. There are several factors which have contributed to this latest obsession... err, interest.

First, one of my best friends has teenage boys and college is on her mind. We've had some discussions about this and her concerns are my concerns because she's my friend and because I know we'll be right where she is in a few years.

Another friend from our homeschool group, who also has a teenager, recently posted a couple of lists on Facebook that highlight non-traditional schools. I was immediately intrigued and soon became fascinated. The idea that some institutions of higher learning recognize the benefits of free learning and have thrown off the shackles of canned course requirements and letter grades is exciting. As someone who loves to learn about learning I just can't help but to want to know more!

Finally I have become more comfortable with the idea of radically unschooling and have embraced it wholeheartedly. I feel as if I truly understand the path we are on now and I know that it is the best way for my kids to learn and grow. However I was worried that because parts of society don't recognize our choices as legitimate pathways to success that some of my children's choices might be limited. Not because they won't be smart enough, self-disciplined enough, or simply good enough to attend college but because some colleges might not accept the way they have learned. Armed with a list of schools that not only accept but welcome non-traditional learners I am able to rest easier knowing that we don't have to close the window on college in order to fully embrace unschooling.

I'll leave you with a list of some of the promising schools I've found during the course of my research...
Note: Most of these schools accept narrative transcripts and/or portfolios in place of traditional transcripts. However, you will notice in parentheses that some of these colleges do require traditional transcripts. They are included in this list because they accept homeschool transcripts from parents as opposed to some non homeschool friendly schools which require accredited transcripts.

Non-traditional Colleges
Hampshire College
Savannah College of Art and Design
Brown University
Sarah Lawrence College
Antioch College (Though the school closed its doors in 2008, it will reopen in fall 2011.)
Evergreen State College
College of the Atlantic
The New School
Bennington College(traditional transcript required)
New College of Florida(traditional transcripts required)
Wesleyan University(traditional transcript required)
St. John’s College

Homeschool Friendly Colleges in MO
Park University- Parkville, MO
Missouri State- Springfield, MO
Stephens College (women only)
Truman State College (traditional transcript required)
Mizzou (traditional transcript required)
University of MO- Kansas City
Missouri University of Science and Technology- Rolla (traditional transcript required)
Westminster College (traditional transcript required)
Central Missouri State University- Warrensburg, MO
Kansas City Art Institute
St. Louis University (GED required)
Missouri Western State University (open admission)

How Wikepedia and I define Unschooling

2010-05-21T06:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at our homeschool playgroup the topic of unschooling came up as another mom and I were chatting. We are both unschoolers and were discussing some recent activity on an unschooling email group to which we both belong. As often happens when having discussions about unschooling the topic turned to the strict regiment that some people put on what constitutes unschooling. We agreed that often people are too narrow in their definition but that some people go too far in the other direction and have a definition that is so broad that it loses any meaning.

I understand that unschoolers are viewed as people who are bucking the system, challenging the status quo and living outside the parameters of conventional wisdom. I agree with all of those statements. I don't agree that this means there are no rules. I decided to begin with the agreed upon definition. Wikipedia seemed like a good place to look because it is held to the public standard and anyone who may disagree with the definition may challenge or change it. The fact that the definition is written as is means that the unschoolers who have visited the page agree with it. I have visited and I agree. (Emphasis mine)

Unschooling refers to a range of educational philosophies and practices centered on allowing children to learn through their natural life experiences, including child directed play, game play, household responsibilities, work experience and social interaction, rather than through a more traditional school curriculum. Unschooling encourages exploration of activities led by the children themselves, facilitated by the adults. Unschooling differs from conventional schooling principally in the thesis that standard curricula and conventional grading methods, as well as other features of traditional schooling, are counterproductive to the goal of maximizing the education of each child.

Learning through natural life. When you build a birdhouse with Grandpa you learn to measure. When you hear an unfamiliar word and Mom explains it you learn vocabulary. When you must share cookies with your friends you learn division. When you want to know why we have a holiday called Pearl Harbor Day you learn history. These things happen organically through living life with curiosity in an environment that supports and encourages that curiosity.

The question about Pearl Harbor Day may lead you to the library, The History Channel or the Internet. It may not. You may get all of the information which interests you from the person to whom you posed the question. If your natural curiosity leads you to the library that is unschooling. If your mom decides that today is Pearl Harbor Day and we must go to the library, find a book and read it together that is NOT unschooling.

This is the part where people get defensive, when you tell them what unschooling is not. But there are guidelines. It isn't a criticism of how you choose to do things, it is a statement of fact. I can call myself a vegetarian but if I then proclaim that I choose to eat meat three times a week then I'm not a vegetarian. There's nothing inherently wrong with choosing to eat meat (at least from my perspective) and stating that I am not a vegetarian isn't a criticism; its a fact. I can call myself liberal but oppose gay marriage, abortion, gun control and welfare while supporting large armies and school prayer. I can call myself a liberal within those circumstances but it doesn't make it true. The same can be said for unschooling. If you still have requirements for what your child must do, if you want to use a curriculum for just one subject, if you are still guiding your child's education instead of letting it unfold naturally then you are not an unschooler. Not a criticism, just a fact.

However, as I stated earlier, it is also possible to be strict in the defintion and squeeze people out. Leaving a book laying out that you think your child might enjoy is also still within the guidelines of unschooling, in my opinion. Making suggestions and bringing up interesting topics are all a part of unschooling. No one lives or learns in a bubble. My friends and I enjoy sharing book and movie titles with each other, filling each other in on the information learned in a magazine article, and just generally exchanging information. I do the same for my kids because it IS a natural part of life to do these things.

Furthermore I don't think unschooling has to reach into all areas of life to work. You can decide that tooth brushing is important in your house and that TV will be limited and still be an unschooler. You can even give your kids chores and be an unschooler. Demanding that these decisions are part of unschooling pushes people away who come to us seeking information and trying to learn about the philosophy. So let me be clear about my position- strewing books is unschooling, assigning book reports is not.

The Big Book of Unschooling by Sandra Dodd

2010-05-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

I received my copy of this new book in the mail a couple of days ago. It is a quick and easy read, well suited for new unschoolers. I didn't find a great deal of compelling or new information because most of the information can be found on Ms. Dodd's website which you can find by clicking on the title of this post. I am learning to tolerate reading from a computer screen because a) it's cheaper, b) it's more eco-friendly, and c) some of my favorite journals are only available online. For those who haven't made this transition and still prefer to hold a book in their hand then this book is a great resource. For everyone else, save your money and visit the website.

A few of my favorite gems found both in the book and on the website:

Unschooling is arranging for natural learning to take place.

Unschooling would be difficult to understand even if it were easy to define. From the point of view of the parent, it is creating and maintaining an environment in which natural learning flourishes.

I like both of the above quotes because they highlight that unschooling isn't passive and doesn't 'just happen'. It happens because parents are dedicated to ensuring it happens.

School as a small part of a rich, healthy family life can be bearable and maybe even fun. School as a guarantee of learning or success is a fantasy school; it's a myth.

I LOVE this! It is difficult to explain your reasons for unschooling to a person who has had great experiences with school. And of course there are those who like to point to people they know who have homeschooled or unschooled and the kids didn't do well. I like to remind them that lots of people in public school don't do well either. This quote sums it up nicely.

A few other interesting tidbits too long to quote include the pages on
strewing and book worship. I must admit that I'd skipped the book worship page before having the book in hand because I was irritated by the idea that books aren't special and wonderful things to be revered. After reading Sandra's logical arguments about other ways of exploring the world being just as special and wonderful I must admit I'm a convert. That doesn't mean I don't still love books, I just don't hold them up on a pedestal as THE BEST way to learn (aside from doing of course) and instead see them for what they are- one tool in my unschooling toolbox. Television, radio, computers and video games are just as valid and valuable for learning as books and it would be unwise for me to reject these tools and rely soley or more heavily on one tool.

I know some of my book loving friends will have the same reaction I had to reading that but I encourage you to look at Sandra's page on book worship before making up your mind. I also encourage you to think about the big picture. When we first began homeschooling, before unschooling, I used to require the kids to read every day despite the fact that they both read at a high school level. They didn't need the practice but I still worshiped books and felt it was important. I never thought of requiring them to use the computer on a daily basis despite the fact that their skills with it were rudementary (especially Kya's). But taking a step back and looking at the big picture I can see that the ability to use a computer is just as important in today's world as the ability to read well, yet I still placed more emphasis on books. I think it all boils down to a pervasive belief that tried and true is always better than new and innovative.

I'll leave you with a short excerpt from the page to ponder:

There was a time when the only way for a kid to get information from outside his home and neighborhood was books. (think Abraham Lincoln, log cabin in the woods far from centers of learning.) Now books tend to be outdated, and an internet search engine can be better for many kinds of information. If Abraham Lincoln had had full-color DVDs of the sights of other countries, of people speaking in their native accents and languages, and of history, he would have shoved those books aside and watched those videos.

Project

2010-05-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

I have been frequenting some unschooling forums and joined an active Yahoo! group for unschoolers. The topics, especially for newcomers, always seem to be the same. There is a great misunderstanding that radical unschoolers sit back and hope for the best for their kids without any direction or intervention. This simply isn't true- the direction and intervention look different than they traditionally do but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

I believe one of the reasons this is difficult to explain is because it happens in the small moments. Lots of new unschoolers want to know what a typical day looks like for an unschooler but even this is misleading. I can block out the activities of the day but it doesn't convey all of the little things going on that make unschooling work. So, I've decided to do a project that I'll share here, and perhaps a few other places, to try to convey how radical unschooling works for us.

The project is called "100 Little Things" and is precisely that. I will be keeping track of all the little things I do, from using TV as a tool to encouraging exploration. Most of these interactions are less than 2 or 3 minutes but have a big impact. Because they are brief they are often overlooked by those exploring unschooling and I think that's a shame because these little moments are the HEART and SOUL of unschooling.

I'll keep you posted as I gather the moments. :)

2010-05-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

Some days this life we've chosen is harder than others. I don't like to complain because I don't want to discourage anyone from pursuing this lifestyle but the reality is that no matter what path we choose there will be hurdles. My current hurdle is that Kya has developed delayed seperation anxiety and its making me a little, well... nuts!

I'm not really sure what's going on but she literally wants to be with me all the time- she sleeps in my room, goes grocery shopping with me, goes outside when I do. There are times when she'll get busy and will be okay playing in the other room but only if she knows where I am. She'll also go to my parents house next door or make a trip into town with her dad but only if she knows I'm going to be home- she doesn't want to do these things while I might be somewhere else. I have to accompany her on playdates and she's stopped sleeping over with friends. This is a complete 180 for her- she has never had any trouble sleeping over and has been doing so since she was about 5 or 6. She loved going places and I've joked before that she couldn't wait to be rid of me.

Honestly I was worried at first that something had happened to bring this on but we've had extensive conversations and she's still friendly and outgoing with new people so I don't think she's had a bad experience with an adult. My current theory is that this is somehow related to puberty and her feelings about her changing body. She knows she's growing up and is excited about that but perhaps part of her is also scared by it. Whatever the cause, she's just as confused by it as I am and will say that she's not sure why her feelings have changed.

In the meantime, I have no rest, no time away. I get lots of traditional advice but it doesn't fit with the kind of mom I am- ultimately I have to follow my instincts and feel good about how I handle this so I can't be the kind of mom that just walks away and lets her cry it out. I can't be the kind of mom that disregards her feelings as a phase that she'll outgrow.

So for now I appreciate my friends who understand and let me bring her along (with quiet activities to occupy herself) to adult gatherings such as luncheons and maybe coffee night. I cherish the times when she's happy to go to town with her dad or playing in the next room and I can get a few moments to myself. I accept her just as she is and know that ultimately her ability to express her feelings, even if I don't like or understand those feelings, is a good thing. Just yesterday I told her how proud I was of her ability to stand up for her feelings even when it was hard. I hope she always holds onto that.

2010-04-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

Jace loves gamimg. Very often the first thing he wants to do when he wakes up is play a video or computer game. And probably just as often it's one of the last things he does before he goes to bed. It doesn't matter to him what type of game though lately RPGs (Role Playing Games) are his favorite. I know lots of people resist video games and there are many studies about the dangers of video games. I used to be a parent who whole heartedly believed that I must limit 'screen time' in order to protect my child from the brain draining powers of video games. We had time limits and rules surrounding games, they were used as leverage and I thought most bad behavior could supposedly be traced back to too much time spent gaming. And then I started reading unschooling boards.

Now, I'm not really big on the idea of doing something just to fit the popular definition of something. I don't think you have to publish anything to be a writer, sell a painting to be an artist, or let your kids do whatever the hell they want to be an unschooler. However, so many unschooling parents whom I respected on other topics were saying the same things about video games that I decided it was worth exploring. Even more so than the rally cries of unschooling parents the real deal-breaker for me, the thing that proved I needed to explore this idea of unlimited access to gaming is that I wasn't being consistent.

I figured out a couple of years ago that the things I find it difficult to be consistent about are things that deep down I don't believe. After all I consistently feed and clothe my children. I consistently tell them I love them. I consistently avoid HFCS and red dye in the food we eat. But I couldn't be consistent about this and that let me know that deep down I may not really believe what I was trying to do. Sure, if I noticed behaviors I thought might be linked to gaming or, more likely, I felt guilty about the amount of time he spent gaming then I would begin to get more strict about enforcing the rules. However, slowly but surely I'd always start to be inconsistent about it. So, I decided I should try this radical approach to gaming.

All I can say is WOW!

It has been several months now, maybe even approaching a year, since I let go of limiting his gaming. Some guidelines have remained such as a gentle word if I notice him becoming upset or a reminder that he needs to pay attention to and respect his own body cues for a break. That has been a process but one he has done really well with and lately he needs very few reminders from me about these things (admittedly he does still need that gentle word from time to time, just less frequently than before). That's really what unschooling is about- helping them learn to recognize their own natural limits instead of imposing my own. I realize in hindsight that this was my ultimate goal all along- I instinctively knew that my interference wasn't really helping him learn lifelong limits and that once he was away from my watchful eye he would overindulge and have to learn self control as opposed to parental control in a setting that wasn't as safe and loving as home.

Even though I realize my goal now I also see many other benefits to allowing him space to pursue something that captivated his attention. The pleasantly unexpected result is that Jace has found a way to bring gaming into many aspects of his life. He writes beautifully creative and descriptive stories based on games- either ones he's played or ones he wishes to create. Speaking of creating, he has taught himself to do just that- first by finding a website that let him create flash games and then moving on to more complex sites and even purchasing a book to help him with his endeavors. Recently he upgraded his membership on one of those sites to a "pro" membership so he can create three dimensional games. Through gaming he has also connected with other children who share his interests all over the world and shows genuine interest in learning about their cultures, languages and geography. He creates arts and crafts using many mediums so he can reenact games scenarios. He buys and sells games on eBay and in gaming stores and has learned about marketing, interpreting ads, finding the best value and an understanding of simple economic principles such as the laws of supply and demand, profit/loss and opportunity cost. He has learned the value of saving and delayed gratification when he wants a new game or game system.

He came to all of this knowledge not in spite of video games but because of them. He was given the freedom to explore a passion- a passion most of the world judges as frivolous at best and psychologically dangerous at worst. I admit that I swung between these two perspectives myself and in the beginning when he was binging on the games that had previously been limited I was concerned. But I trusted what my instincts were telling me and instead of my knee-jerk reaction to 'protect' him from this world I dug deeper and saw that what I really needed to do was help him develop the skills to guide himself through it.

Why we unschool

2010-04-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Today I realized THE reason I choose to be an unschooler. There are many advantages to unschooling, many of which I've already discussed on this blog, but those advantages are not what pulls me back day after day, even in times of doubt. So, what does?

I believe that the most important thing my children will learn in their entire lives is who they are and unschooling is the best way I've found to allow them to learn that. Everything else they need to know in life will flow from that sense of self and anything that doesn't come from that place of authenticity isn't worth knowing, IMHO.

Happy Birthday John Holt

2010-04-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was John Holt's birthday. For those not familiar Holt brought to the forefront the idea of unschooling through such mediums as his popular newsletter, Growing Without Schooling, and the library of books on the subject he authored. Holt was a true revolutionary who recognized that not only could children learn without schools, they should.

In Teach Your Own he makes his views about schools clear:

"I have used the words "home schooling" to describe the process by which children grow and learn in the world without going, or going very much, to schools, because those words are familiar and quickly understood. But in one very important sense they are misleading. What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth in the word is not that it is a better school than the schools but that it isn't a school at all. "

I do recognize that not every parent can or should homeschool their child, much less unschool them. I also realize that schools are necessary for this reason, and that they do the best they can. This is the same reason that canned green beans are necessary. Fresh green beans from an organic garden are the healthiest possible choice but aren't available to everyone. Some people opt for green beans from the farmer's market because they can't, for whatever reason, grow their own. Other people will buy frozen green beans and still others will buy them in a can. Canned green beans do still have some nutritional content but not nearly as much as their fresh picked counterpart. This is how I view schools. They are doing the best they can with what they have. The green bean manufacturers aren't bad. The people eating them aren't bad either. But there is a better way.

So it goes with schools. A crowded classroom with an overworked, underpaid teacher who can't possibly attend to every child's individual needs is not the best place for learning to take place. There is a better way. Thank you John Holt for recognizing this decades ago and blazing the trail for the rest of us.

Resurfacing...

2010-04-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if anyone is still out there, I pretty much abandoned the blog after my last post that stated I wasn't sure what the future of it was going to be. Lately I've been having some unschooling thoughts and found myself wishing I had an outlet for them when I realized I DO!! :-)

A lot of things have been going on with the kids lately that were causing me to doubt myself. I have never really doubted unschooling or doubted my kids abilities to learn what they need to learn. I realize (thankfully) that the doubts stem from my own insecurities and my need for approval. I thought I was past that but there's nothing like motherhood to shine a light on areas where you're still a work in progress.

My specific issues have been wrapped up in Jace. He enjoys video games and electronics. A lot. He has gaming on his mind from morning until night. He plays games, creates games, emails people about games, reads magazines and books about games, sketches out ideas for games, draws comics and writes stories based on games, reenacts games with legos and action figures, makes videos about games, spends his allowance on games, (surfing eBay, Amazon, and Gamestop for the best deals and even occasionally selling one of his older games at these places)and talks about games. I didn't really think much of this. This is who he is, what he's passionate about for now, and anything else is artificial. I was happy that he'd found something to love and that he's a happy 11 year old who still likes sharing his passions with me. Enter the naysayers.

Imagine a judgemental, incrdulous tone with all of the following:

"It's such a nice day, shouldn't he be outside instead of playing video games."

"Jace never talks about anything but games.You can't even have a conversation with him."

"Why doesn't he ever do anything."

The thing is these things were starting to get to me, they had me thinking that I was wrong, that I should just MAKE him do something else, anything else. But when I contemplate what that would really mean, sacrificing his spark in order to please others I just can't do it. So instead I've come up with some responses for the naysayers:

It's such a nice day, shouldn't he be outside."

He does spend time outside. Quite a bit actually, but only when an activity sparks his interest. Ture, he does prefer to be inside, as do I. But it's okay, outside is not morally superior to inside.

"You can't even have a conversation with him."

I have conversations with him all the time. He also has no problem talking with other kids his age and adults. Maybe the problem is that you want him to talk about what you're interested in instead of listening to what he's interested in.

"Why doesn't he ever do anything?"

He does plenty. Just because you haven't taken the time to watch it and see the value in it doesn't mean there isn't any.

At the end of the day I realize that actually I'm quite impressed with the diversity of ways Jace incorporates gaming into his life. He is learning economics, reading for information as well as pleasure, problem solving, managing his time, creating art in many mediums, sharing information with others, thinking critically and so much more. He is passionate and engaged. And all on his own, without any need for me to push him.

2009-11-13T11:37:00.000-08:00

I've been finding it difficult to keep up with this blog lately. This is mostly because I never really intended it to be simply a journal of our days, it was more about my insights as I sorted through information and experiences that helped me find our way on our journey into unschooling. The trouble is that now I feel as if I'm pretty much here, the "figuring it out" part of the journey has passed and now we are in the more comfortable part of just letting life be and learning through that presence. That doesn't mean I know everything there is to know about unschooling or that I never have new insights; they just don't happen as often and when they do are much more organic.

Realizing this I've decided to let this project run its natural course. That may mean that it evolves into something more than simply an unschooling blog and will include other insights I wish to share. It could also mean that I will simply continue blogging about unschooling but just less often. Or perhaps I will simply let this go and accept that it served its purpose. I can't really say at this point which of these will be the best option. I'm an uschooler so I welcome any and all possibilities as opportunities for growth and learning.

I hope some of you will stick around to see where I'm headed. If not, thanks for taking this journey with me.

Back to bedtime! (Sort of )

2009-10-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know it isn't very radical of me but I can't go on with my kids not having a bedtime. I've waffled a bit on this issue but it has come to a point where I'm taking off my radical unschooler hat and saying that the living room and all screens are off limits for kiddos after 10 pm. There are a few reasons I'm doing this.

1) The kids are staying up very late and sleeping very late. This issue is compounded by the fact that they like to sleep in the living room and therefore when they are sleeping until 11:00 am then I have to either be very quiet which means I can't do things like clean the kitchen or vacuum OR I go ahead and do what I need to do and they wake up cranky. Neither of these choices creates harmony in our household and I don't see a way to fix it with the current sleeping situation.

2) We can't make plans for anything that happens in the morning because they are too tired to wake up and can't simply go to bed early the night before an outing because their body clocks can't make the adjustment. We have missed several activities in which they've expressed interest because they couldn't get out of bed on time to get ready and attend.

3) I truly need time to unwind at the end of the day. Time to read, go online or watch what I want on tv. I don't have a room of my own to do this in. The only place I have is the living room and if children are in it then I don't get this time. This may seem selfish but I spend nearly every waking moment with my children, we have clear rules that people can't enter their bedrooms without knocking first, they both have free use of both the tv and the computer during the day. I don't think it is selfish for me to ask for the same consideration for a few hours that they receive all day.

4) I am insisting that this is no screen time because when Jace is allowed to stay up as late as he wants to play video games he plays for hours beyond tired and we still don't get a good start to the day. Furthermore when he plays video games late into the night he often can't fall asleep on his own and will wake us up so he can sleep in our bed. He is too big to sleep in our bed; not because he's too old but because he is physically too big for us to get quality sleep. When his want to play video games (which he has unlimited access to during the day) interferes with our need for sleep it requires intervention.

The reasonable solution for all of this is that they go to bed at 10:00; a time that we've discussed and agreed upon based on all of our wants and needs, not an arbitrary number pulled out of the air. They don't have to go to sleep at this time but they will do activities that can be done in bed such as reading, drawing, writing, playing with small toys, etc. They have to sleep in their bedrooms with the exception of Friday night; if they want to sleep together in the living this one night then their father and I will agree to be quiet in that area until they naturally awaken.

At first I thought this wasn't a very unschooly thing of me to do and I'm sure there are some who still think that. However, I feel good about the way we've handled this situation that was becoming a problem. We've discussed the reasons this is becoming an issue and worked together for solutions that meet everyone's needs. This is what consensual living is all about. :)

Meteor Shower

2009-10-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

We stayed up late last night to view the meteor shower. It was one of the best things we've ever done and I highly recommend it to everyone who has the opportunity. We watched movies, played games, and chatted until about 1 AM when we headed outside with our blankets. We stretched out on the deck and laid back to wait for the show.

It took a few minutes for our eyes to adjust to the dark and it was a little chilly so were snuggling under the blankets as we watched more and more stores appear before our eyes. We found the big dipper, the little dipper and the north star (the only constellations I've ever really been able to make out) while we waited. I saw the first meteor and even though the kids didn't see it they were excited to know they were out there. They started asking lots of questions about comets, meteors, stars, the speed of light, and more. I told them about seeing Halley's comet pass by earth when I was a little girl, about the earth's orbit taking us through its debris annually, why they are called "shooting stars" when they aren't really, that some of the light we see are from stars that no longer exist (Kya had a hard time wrapping her brain around that one!), and just anything and everything they asked that I knew the answer to.

All of that was great, they learned a lot but the best moment came when Jace, who was snuggled in by my side, looked up at me and said, "This is the best night ever!" I really hope this is a memory they keep forever.

2009-10-16T12:03:00.001-07:00

As many of you know I leaned into unschooling. The idea intrigued me but also frightened me. As time has passed I have seen the blessing of peace, creativity, inquisitiveness, and authenticity come into our lives. At first I said I wasn't radical but now I think I am. We don't have bedtimes, don't have restrictions on how we spend our time (unless our choices begin to infringe on the happiness and well-being of others), heck we don't even have set meal times as we are all learning to eat according to our bodies cues and not the clock. So if I'm going to call myself a "radical" unschooler then I have to think about what that truly means.

The word radical come from the Latin word for root. We are going back to our roots and parenting from this radical place of instinct and presence. To those who criticize and say we need to go back to basics I say we are.

Teachable Moments

2009-10-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

Jace has been curious about numbers lately. We've spent some time exploring Roman numerals and prime numbers and he has a good grasp of both. Roman numerals came to his attention due to a poster he spotted. He wrote out one through ten and quickly decoded what I, V, and X symbolize as well as how to determine the order of the symbols for addition and subtraction; he also deduced that he needed to use as few symbols as possible. He then asked me if there were more symbols so I told him the ones I could remember and he started writing out large numbers such as the year everyone in our family was born. When that got boring he asked me to create arithmetic problems to solve. This went on for about half an hour until he grew tired of it and found something else to do.

I'm not sure what sparked the question about prime numbers. He was watching TV and looking at a magazine when he asked so one of them must have used the term and he was curious. I explained what it meant and we had a brief conversation about 2 being the only even prime number and why. He listed a few out loud, testing himself to make sure he understood. A few days later in the car he wanted to know if prime numbers were infinite. I said yes and he thought it was very cool that a infinitely large number could be prime.

Both of these instances are perfect examples of unschooling at its best. Jace came to me with an interest sparked by something offhand and both times, although I was busy, I stopped and took the time to help him understand what he was asking. We followed the natural course of the conversation. If I had waited until I wasn't busy I think the interest would have evaporated, it was important to him IN THAT MOMENT and because I was able to make myself available to answer his questions and expand on the ideas he was able to learn. This is not to say that I never have to say I'm busy and can't help but I try very hard to do that as little as possible. I ask myself, "Do I really have to finish this now or do I just want to?"

I do admit this is frustrating at times. Both of my kids ask lots of questions about books, TV and movies. When I am absorbed in something and have to keep pausing to explain things that are happening I sometimes get irritated. However, I remind myself that asking questions is ultimately a good thing that I don't want to discourage so I try to be patient with the endless questions and answer them as best I can. This is especially important with Kya because media is what stirs her inquisitive nature the most. Jace is curious about any and everything while Kya tends to be a little more zen, accepting things around her as they are. However, books, TV and movies, especially documentaries, raise lots of questions for her so I try to be patient. Even if it means that it takes twice as long to get through something as it normally would.

Unschooling for us is about teachable moments and one of the most important things I've learned that we have to take those moments as they come, not as we wish they would.

2009-09-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

We are very thrifty in our house. We live well but try not to spend money when we don't need to. This means we love the library, or at least we used to. Now when we go to the library the kids seem disinterested and often don't read the books after bringing them home. Today their uncle bought them brand new hard cover books from Barnes and Noble and they can't get enough them- Jace has actually already finished his! I think new books may be a worthwhile budget item once in a while if they generate this much excitement. :)

2009-09-19T08:24:00.001-07:00

One of the goals I have as a parent is teaching my kids to follow their dreams and live an authentic life. Its one of the reasons I choose to unschool; it simply seems like the most logical way for me to help them learn that their passions are as important and worthwhile as what the state and school deem important. Yesterday my little dancer auditioned for a small role in The Nutcracker. A ballet company from Chicago is going to be performing in our little town and is using local children as mice, angels, and soldiers. We didn't really know what to expect but Kya was very excited at the possibility of being part of a real ballet performance with professional dancers.

Twenty-two girls and boys auditioned in her age group, the company had twenty-five costumes so they kept them all! Practice began immediately and she worked diligently for over four hours learning some of her small part. On the way home as we discussed how exciting it was I mentioned how fortunate she was to be able to do something like this. I explained that many people go their entire lives without getting to follow their dreams. She expressed how sad that was and said she felt bad for those people.

My little realist was wistful and grateful but also pragmatic. I told her that with rehearsals she would probably not have time for cheerleading this year. She immediately said that the ballet was an opportunity she couldn't pass up. She wants to be a dancer and this is more important so she'll just take a year off from cheering; there's always next year after all. My daughter is NINE, my jaw dropped when I heard her speaking of opportunity and priorities. I can see that it's not just about helping my kids learn to dream big but also how to fulfill those dreams. I think Kya is off to a pretty good start on that lesson.

2009-09-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

When we were on vacation recently we encountered a woman who was surprised that we could take a family vacation at that time of year. She asked "Didn't school just start?"

This was an older lady, traveling with the Red Hat Society, which is usally the the age group that understands the least that children don't have to go to school to learn. I understand their viewpoint, my great-grandmother didn't have the opportunity to go to school because she was needed at home and she never learned to read; they weren't homeschooling they were using child labor. So, I braced myself for this woman's response and was already trying to formulate in my mind how I could respond to help her understand that what we are doing is differnt from her youth. I was not only pleasantly surprised because she had a positive response but also by the fact that her simple response articulated our life so well. What did she say?

"Oh, well you're free then."

Yes, yes we are.

2009-09-11T06:41:00.000-07:00

Another thing clarified at Joyfully Rejoycing that I'd believed for a long time but she expressed so well is that telling someone that the advice their giving isn't unschooling is NOT a judgement about the validity of what they are saying, it is simply a statement of fact. Much like I would give different directions to get to the different pizza places in town. It isn't morally wrong to give directions to Imo's- in fact I like Imo's a lot. But if you wanted directions to Pizza Inn then my directions are wrong for what you are trying to learn in this moment. The advice unschoolers share should bring us closer to unschooling. Another educational philosophy might be valid, might be better in some situations, and might even be necessary at times but just because it is the best way to meet someone's needs doesn't mean it is unschooling.

I was having a difficult time with this because of conflicting advice I was receiving from more seasoned homeschoolers who all identified themselves as unschoolers. In discussions I could see the rational and thinking of several viewpoints and many people had grown children who were happy, well adjusted, and successful (by my definition of success). I was confusing understanding a point of view with understanding unschooling. Now I see that I was elevating unschooling to be THE way to do things so I was trying to fit all of the wonderful advice I was given under that umbrella. Now I see that unschooling is A way to do things, and THE way that WE are doing things right now.

This is an important distinction because it helps me see more clearly what decisions I should make when conflicting viewpoints seem valid. They probably are both valid but that doesn't mean they are both unschooling. If I truly want to follow this path then that should be my deciding factor in that situation. Now, if the advice that follows the unschooling philosophy doesn't seem valid then that is a different situation altogether. I dig deeper to gather more facts and then make the best choice for my family. I'm not ruled by the unschooling philosophy but when all else seems equal I will choose to use it as a guiding principle.

2009-09-11T04:39:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered Joyfully Rejoycing, an extremly comprehensive unschooling resource that will answer just about any question you may have. It will also answer questions you didn't realize you had until you see it there.

One of the things that the site really clarified for me was the difference between unschooling and eclectic homeschooling:

Unschooling is trusting that the paths children choose for themselves will lead them where they need to go. They will learn what they need for themselves. Parents are there to facilitate and provide an rich environment of paths for children to explore.

(That's oversimplified of course. Parental attitude towards life and learning is a big part of unschooling. We can't expect kids to get excited about the world if we never are. We can't expect kids to follow interests that have never run through their lives in an interesting way.)

Eclectic homeschooling is parents having an idea where the children need to go and then letting the children have a big say in what method of travel they use to get there. Science might be videos or experiments or classes or whatever appeals to the child. Eclectics may have requirements that kids will write, but how and what they write will depend on the child's interests. There will be a focus on specific subjects and skills.

I love this definition, especially because she clarifies in the middle that we still have a responsibility to help our kids see that the world is an exciting place, full of possibilities. I also realize that I was holding onto some things that I think the kids should learn and have been tying myself in knots trying to figure out how to make sure it is learned naturally and authentically. I can see now that I need to let go of those preconceived notions and trust that they are learning what they need to right now through our enthusiastic exploration of the world.

I also see that I have been lax in sharing certain interests because it was easier, more convienent for me to do so. My reading is done primarily in bed when everyone else is asleep so I won't be interuppted but by doing that I have put reading out of site and they don't see me modeling reading for pleasure. Meditation is another thing that I generally do when the kids are asleep, this time early in the morning instead of before bed. I will continue this practice because it centers my day but I'm bringing in another time for meditation during the day so the kids are introduced to the idea, can ask questions, and perhaps choose to join me. I borrowed some wonderful books from a wonderful friend so I am prepared to talk to them when and if they ask but unlike other things I've wanted to introduce in the past I'm going to leave this one entirely up to them. I'll let them know I need some quiet time, let them know that they are welcome to join me and leave it at that. No cajoling, no pressure, just an introduction and an invitation. And I'll try not to be disappointed if they don't follow but even if I am I know up front that will be about my needs, not theirs and I'll just have to accept it.

2009-09-07T06:05:00.000-07:00

Some days I feel myself resisting this unschooled life. Unschooling tells me that if long division never presents itself in real life then we are fine not to learn it. But will my kids do well on the ACT that they will have to take to get into college someday if I don't teach them long division. And if I were to teach them long division when should I do it, how often should they practice, how often should they review to make sure they retain the information?

I realize that the real struggle I'm having right now isn't with long division it is with trusting this process. The real question is if insist on them doing certain things because I find them important will I hinder their overall desire to seek information on their own? I think the answer is yes, they won't embrace life and learning in the same way if I hold onto these things just to make myself feel better. It would be as if we had decided to become vegetarians but I insisted that they must eat a little chicken three or four times a week for their own good. If I insist that the math (or science or social studies) book is too important to skip then they they aren't really unschooling any more than the chicken eaters are really vegetarians. That would be okay if I really thought it was best for them, after all I don't want to base my decision on whether or not they fit the label of unschooler, I want to base it on whether or not its what's best for them.

So it boils down to what, after all of the research I've done, I believe is the best way for them to learn. Intellectually I believe I'm doing the right thing by letting go but some days I just don't FEEL it. On those days I panic and think, "Wait! They need to know XYZ and I must teach them NOW!" On the days that I am more grounded in my decision I think that an arbitrary lesson would be an unwelcome interference in their learning and would do more harm than good- they may complete the worksheet without truly learning the information and the lesson itself could kill the desire to ever learn it for themselves.

Today is an in between day so I'm taking a deep breath and reminding myself that they can learn any information at any time. College isn't looming at some predetermined date but at a place when they are ready. If at 16 they choose a career path and realize that they can't fill in the gaps quickly enough to begin the college of their choice at 18 then that's okay, colleges accept 19 year olds too. I don't really anticipate that they won't be ready, I'm just trying to calm my fears about it by reminding myself that it isn't a race. I guess I'm realizing that unschooling isn't just about letting go of my preconceived notions about learning, it's also about letting go of the arbitrary time lines created by traditional schooling.

One more piece of the puzzle. I wonder how many more there are?

2009-08-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

We made the decision a while back to get rid of our satellite TV and just have the free channels. I was willing to give up satellite but not my Tivo- the convenience offered by this gadget not to mention the fact that I never have to watch annoying commercials made it worth the initial investment. Through our Tivo device we get an added bonus- we can instantly watch unlimited movies streamed to the TV through our online DVD rental service. The choices are somewhat limited but there is an abundance of documentaries available and we have taken full advantage of this.

Admittedly the kids usually don't watch the entire movie; documentaries can be a little dry for nine and 10 year olds. However they do generally watch bits and pieces and want to explain and this opens up an opportunity for discussion. These discussions are usually only a few minutes long but I've heard them bringing up things in other conversations so I know they are retaining it.

We've watched documentaries about people, events, science, history, controversial ideas, politics, religion and more. There is no doubt that we are all learning a lot of factual information but the real beauty of this experience has been the way I've seen my kids learn to discern information. They are asking great questions and sometimes even disagree with the information being presented. I love that they are learning that just because an "expert" says something is true that doesn't make it so- they are questioning and forming their own opinions based on the facts that are presented. They are also noticing that sometimes facts are left out to make an opinion seem stronger.

These documentaries have highlighted for me that more and more the focus of our educational philosophy is not on facts and figures but how to interpret those facts and figures. We are learning how to learn, learning how to think.

2009-08-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that Jace seems to be coming out of his shell. Kya has had many playdates lately and he is feeling the need to step up and have a few of his own. He has also become a regular attendee at our weekly playgroup and is having lots of fun while there. I think he still likes to be home, still likes his time to himself but he is also learning that time with others is fun and valuable as well. I was really trying to be okay with the fact that he just might not be a social person but I must admit that I'm tickled pink to see him reaching out to others.

2009-08-17T04:23:00.000-07:00

Saturday we had a yard sale. We got rid of lots of stuff and made a little bit of money to add to our vacation fund but the best part of the sale was the experiences the kids had and the lessons they learned.

Kya was my cashier, she spent the entire day giving people their change and never faltered. She had so much fun and felt very grown up. Jace declared himself in charge of "customer service" and helped me bag things for people and told everyone "Thank you, have a good day." He also kept track of how much money was in the box, how much was profit and how much 15% of that profit would be since that's what he and Kya got to keep. (I made it 15 instead of 10 to make the math a little more complex, hehe).

They also learned the value of decluttering. At first they weren't excited about the prospect of giving up some of their things but once money was involved they were willing. The unexpected (at least for them) benefit of having more space that is easier to keep organized was a welcome bonus.

But perhaps the best thing they learned was that they spent a lot more on some things than they got back, some were practically given away at such low prices, and some didn't sell at all and were given away after it was over. Kya commented that she was going to be careful how she spends her allowance because when you're done with things you just don't have anything to show for the money you spent. The value of spending wisely. THAT was a great life lesson.

2009-08-13T04:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we visited the Air and Military museum in Springfield. It was an interesting outing and you can read more about at my travel blog. The kids did learn a few interesting things while we were there. Jace discovered that telegraph is really an electric switch and that the sounds are produced when the lever is pushed because it completes a circuit. They both learned a little about the inner workings of an Air Force plane from an veteran by the name of Ollie.

The trip to Springfield is a little over two hours and the car trip proved to be a learning experience as well. Kya used the time to make crafts with some supplies she brought from home. She made a paper hat out of a paper plate and was really proud of herself for figuring out how to do that all on her own. She is so creative and loves expressing herself through art. :) The only technology she brought with her was her mp3 player which has become her almost constant companion. This is in stark contrast to Jace who brought his mp3, dvd player, and Nintendo DS. With all that he really just wanted to play his DS but it was difficult because he kept getting glare from the sun on the screen making it impossible to see. At first he was too frustrated to do anything about it but then he decided to find a way to solve his problem instead of getting mad. He had his Lowe's Build and Grow apron in the car so he found a way to tie it to various places in the car creating a shade for his game. He spent most of the trip playing video games but for about 20 minutes or so he was in full on creative problem solving mode; very cool.

The museum was cool but I also loved the drive- finding ways to entertain yourself and keep your cool when confined to the backseat of a car is wonderful creative exercise and they both did great! Oh, and the only person who ever uttered the dreaded "Are we there yet?" was my husband.

2009-08-11T21:04:00.001-07:00

Wow, we had a productive day today! We are getting ready for a yard sale and I want to get the house organized so things that we don't want anymore can go to the sale. We cleaned the office yesterday which is where we keep lots of schooly things like art supplies, workbooks, notebooks, etc. The unearthing of materials that have long been abandoned was so great! The kids both found things they liked and had wanted to do but grew tired of or frustrated with before.

Kya found the Junie B. Jones folder I pulled together for her using printables from the website. She had so much fun and even dug out some of her books to re-read and found one that she hadn't read yet. The best moment was when she had to find a walkman in the hidden picture and I had to explain that a walkman is an "old fashioned" mp3 player that played cassettes- kind of like mini VCR tapes (my mom still has a VCR otherwise I don't know how I would've explained THAT, lol).

Jace found a math workbook that I picked up a while back. He had enjoyed another version of it so I thought I'd give it a try but when I brought it home he wasn't all that interested- mostly because he's 10 and they didn't have the 5th grade book but I know his capabilities so I just went ahead and picked up the 6th grade edition. He spent enough time in public school that the grade level intimidated him and he didn't want to try. We laid it aside and I figured I try to find the 5th grade book and just save this one for later. But when we found the book yesterday he was willing to give it a try and while it is more challenging to him than he's accustomed to it is also more fun because of the challenge. I love seeing how he works through the problems with no preconceived notions about formulas or how things "should" be done and figures it out for himself. Kya abandoned her workbook as well but now that she how much fun Jace is having with his she wants me to help her find it.

I LOVE that they do these things on their own but I don't want to leave the impression that I love it anymore than Kya telling me earlier this week that she wants to be a ballerina and practicing her steps around the house or Jace making movies. I love it anytime my kids are engaged with learning new things and I especially love watching them figure things out for themselves. A very good day for that. :)

I have another blog!

2009-08-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

There is going to be some overlap between here and there but this one is really about our everyday lives and the new one is about our travels, both near and far. Have Kids, Will Travel is my brainchild as I try to move my way into travel writing. There isn't much there yet but I do have an introductory post setting the tone for the blog- I hope you enjoy it.

2009-08-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

I saw Jace laying on top of my husbands truck trailer. He was very intent, quiet and still for the longest time. He came in and proudly told me that he'd just seen something that most people only see in pictures- a snake eating a frog. I was horrified, he was ecstatic. Go figure.

2009-07-25T09:09:00.001-07:00

I don't generally buy or subscribe to women's magazines because they seem to recycle the same stories and frankly I've read it all before. I can't cut $200 from my grocery bill with your tips because I already do those things- probably because I read about it in your magazine a few years ago. However, when Kya was still going to public school they had a fundraiser and the cheapest thing I could find was a two year subscription to Woman's Day. It's an okay magazine and once in a while I find a good recipe and it gives me something to flip through while Spongebob is on for the thirtieth time. You're probably wondering what in the world this has to with unschooling at this point but trust me, I'm getting there.

I got my new copy in the mail yesterday, which happened to be my birthday and Robbie had taken the kids for the day leaving me with a quiet house to just relax and be a bum all day. I snuggled down with my magazine and started to flip through when I came across an article entitled "Are you a Summer Mom or a Back-to-school Mom?" Wow. That was my first reaction to this article, just WOW. The author says early on that she spends the summer waiting for life to resume it's natural order (emphasis mine). "Everybody up, everybody out, every day." Carting your kids away is now the natural order.

At first I was appalled, I continued to be appalled as she on went on to tell how she starts the countdown for back to school at the beginning of July and that she can't wait to get these slugs off of the couch and back in the classroom. She complained about the whines of "I'm bored," the comatose state they would fall into in front of the TV, and that none of them ever wanted to do any of the outings she suggested. Contradicting this she also talked about how over scheduled they were at other times because of camps, practices, etc. Confusing and appalling. However on further reflection I don't think I'm appalled by this mother as much as I am by the circumstances.

I remember summers being a little like this when the kids were in school (as was I, I taught public school so summer was my break as well). Usually around July I would start looking forward to going back to school but also be acutely aware that we hadn't done nearly as much over the summer as I'd originally hoped. We were all comatose on the couch for half of the break, none of us could muster the energy to go do fun things, yet we were all bored. This woman's story started to sound uncomfortably familiar.

So what's changed? Why am I appalled now when just a couple of years ago I was this woman? I realize now that this is the summer we have when we spend the other three seasons of a year locked away in a classroom without opportunity to relax, entertain ourselves, or use our imaginations- the brain and body shut down for a while in an attempt to recover. This is why many people think they could never homeschool, much less unschool- they think about these dreaded summer breaks and assume it would be like this all the time. But they don't understand that when you are home all the time it isn't like this.

Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments of comatose TV watching and the occasional whine of boredom but they are less frequent and more easily tolerated because they are a drop in the ocean of time we spend together. And when we have an ocean of time we can fill it doing things we actually enjoy. For us THAT is the natural order of things.

2009-07-22T09:49:00.000-07:00

We got a new Timberdoodle catolog in the mail. It has something in it called "Homeschool Your Fish" that I thought looked really funny. Basically you use food to teach a goldfish to jump through hoops and push a plastic soccer ball around a plastic soccer field. Since Jace enjoys YouTube so much I thought it would make a funny web video if he wanted to try it. When I showed it to him his response was priceless.

"Mom, I don't think the fish would WANT to learn that."

Ahh, my little unschooler. ;-)

2009-07-20T16:22:00.000-07:00

Everything is cyclical and we have been taking a natural rest lately. Of course lots of things have been going on- swimming, spending time with school friends who are more free in the summer, the local fair, riding bikes, eating berries from the vine, finding shapes in the clouds and all of the many other things that can be summed up as summer. I see small lessons happening with these things all the time but its not really anything to write about- it is so easy and natural that I often have a fleeting thought of, "Oh look, she just figured out how to..." but then its gone and I sit down to write without any clear picture of what we've done lately. Until today. Today I definately have a pretty cool story to share...

Lately Jace has been loving his skateboard and all things skateboard related. He's been playing skating video games, designing his own skating video games and watching fingerboard skaters on youtube (finger boards are those mini skateboards that only use fingers to "ride"- you may have seen people doing elaborate tricks with them on tv). But, as it usually happens, after several days of this he started to get bored with just watching these things on a screen. He couldn't find any of his finger boards and had no money to buy more so he improvised and made himself one out of cardboard. He was using game boxes, dvd cases, bowls, etc. to set up mini skate parks in the living room.

Eventually that wasn't enough so he built a skatepark with construction paper, cardboard and paperclips. Then the cardboard skateboard started wearing out from overuse.

He asked his dad for help and they came up with a plastic fingerboard that Jace calls a "futureboard" because it doesn't have wheels. Of course this plastic futureboard is heavier than its cardboard counterpart and didn't really work well with the paper skatepark. No problem... Jace drew up plans for a wooden park, complete with dimensions for size.

He and his dad worked together building and perfecting this mini skatepark most of the day. Now he has a really cool toy made from scrap lumber and he stretched his creative muscles (which is a HIGH educational priority in our family).

Best of all he got a great memory of an afternoon spent with his dad doing something important to him.

2009-07-17T04:22:00.000-07:00

A new box of books is a wonderful thing. My mom the packrat has sent us a box full of "Voyagers" books with topics on everything from bicycles to space. Jace is working his way through these and loving it. There was also a book with a collection of "Far Side" comics that he is enjoying. Because every kid needs a biting and twisted sense of humor. ;)

He has also become obsessed with a new online game- Line Rider. He has to draw lines on a blank page and then see if the little guy on the screen can actually make the jumps and drops he's drawn without crashing. It is a great introduction to physics as he has to learn how to space the lines, what slopes are too steep, etc. I love it when he finds things like this that have a really cool lesson mixed in with the fun stuff.

Kya has been hanging out over at Grandpa's a lot this week. When she's home she isn't doing a whole lot- I think she's in a natural lull but I also think it may be time to give her a little nudge- I just have to figure out which way she's already leaning.

2009-07-07T04:26:00.001-07:00

July 1 is a new "school" year in my state so my first year of homeschooling is officially over. This seems like a good time to reflect on how life has changed during that time.

I begin with Jace because he was the catalyst for the miracle of the past year. It is almost inconceivable for me that the angry, sad, insecure, short-tempered boy that left me weeping on my knees begging for answers ever existed. I spent so much time worrying about him, worrying about how his issues affected his sister, worrying that he would never be happy. I also spent a great deal of time angry with him and wishing we could just have one day without rage. Now I have a boy who is happy most of the time and I don't see rage anymore, ever. He is self-confident, he is self-motivated, most of the time he has self-control when it comes to his temper (and when he doesn't it is so much better and more typical of most little boys). Don't misunderstand, he isn't perfect, but he is his most perfect self. I have tears as I write this because I am so very grateful to have my boy back.

And what a surprise it has been to find the real Kya this year; I didn't even know she was hiding. At this time last year we thought she would stay in school because she seemed to be doing fine and Jace and I were only going to take a year off anyway. That didn't last long. We quickly realized that it was difficult for Jace and I to go anywhere around the school bus's schedule. Kya quickly realized that Jace and I were having grand adventures during the day while she was stuck in school and then had still more homework when she got home. At the end of the first quarter she came home too. And, oh how she shines at home. It is sad and frightening to me that she appeared to be doing so well on the surface when in fact she was paralyzed by being "good". She was a good student, a good girl, and good at being whoever she needed to be to keep everyone happy. Now she will tell you that she is good at being herself (in fact she considers it her best talent). She is no longer shy or timid, she is so confident, she laughs so much more, she recognizes what she really loves and follows it. Again, I am so very grateful.

Finally, I can't talk about the transformations of this past year without talking about my own. I have more time to be the kind of mom my instincts have always told me to be. I also have more time to be the me I've always wanted, separate from anyone else's expectations of me; I take the time to pursue my own goals, to dig deep and learn my true self. Even my husband, who at first wasn't sure about homeschooling or giving up half of our income, has noted the change and sees that we are ALL so much better off now. A lot of this past year has been possible because I simply have time but it is also because I am no longer embedded in a system that is broken and therefore I am less broken. When I was teaching, much like the early days of my parenting journey, I thought everyone else was doing it right and the reason things weren't working was because I needed more structure, more consistent rules, more, more, more. Now I realize that the reason I couldn't be consistent, with both my children and my students, was because deep down I didn't believe in the rules everyone was thrusting upon me. Like my children, I too am more calm, more confident, less stressed. On top of all this I have been lucky enough to find the most amazing group of women- a group I never would have thought existed in my little part of the world. They have restored my faith in the world and perhaps more importantly in my own instincts. God, The Universe, A Higher Power, whatever you choose to call that which is greater than ourselves, has ordered my steps in the journey to find all of these missing pieces to my puzzle this year and again, gratitude is the word of the day.

2009-07-01T21:43:00.001-07:00

I overheard this conversation...

Jace: I'm glad we're unschoolers.
Kya: Me too; wait what are unschoolers?
J: That we know we don't have to do school stuff to learn everything.
K: Oh, yeah, I like that. Homeschool is great.
J: Well, all unschoolers are homeschoolers but not all homeschoolers are unschoolers.
K: Yeah, my friend has to do school from 9 to 3 every day.
J: (incredulous) She'll never learn anything like that!

I'm sure she'll learn something, but I'm glad they know its not the only way to learn. :-)

2009-06-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

As we become more immersed in an unschooling lifestyle it becomes more of a challenge for me to write about our experiences as they pertain to education. This is because all of our experiences are educational and it is becoming impossible for me to seperate our school life from the rest of our lives. Fabulous news for life, not so fabulous for writing inspiration, lol. I can tell you a few tidbits from our week...

Monopoly: Here and Now is one of the newer versions of the game, updated for todays times. Gone is the old classic car, replaced by a Prius. The railroads on the board are now airports. And the money, oh the money. They've added a couple of zeros to everything so now the smallest bills are $100 and the larges are $5 million. This was a great way for Kya to practice place value this week. She needs some more practice but I think we'll play without Jace. He said he was annoyed at how long it took for her to figure out the values of the money and make change but I think it was perhaps that he lost to his little sister. ;-)

Jace made his first trip to the driving range this week. It was HOT but he had fun anyway. We've had no luck finding a golf tutor but have decided to make the trips to the driving range a weekly outing. One person stopped to give him a tip on his swing while we were there so perhaps just hanging out in the right place will open up a new opportunity. If not he still gets some great practice and has fun too.

Kya had a first of her own yesterday. We went to the ballet to see Cinderella. She had a great time although wasn't quite as enamored with it by the end of the third act as she was at the first. It was an experience and she had fun though, she wants to go back but not right away, lol. It's funny how things that you think they will love are met with tepid reviews. This is why these experiences are so essential- how else will they discover their passions without going out into the world to see for themselves?

2009-06-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

This week it got hot. Really, really hot. My kids wanted to play in the small pool we have but it kept losing water. We finally got all of the holes patched today, three altogether, but Friday was hot and water was needed. We don't have a sprinkler anymore; the old one broke and we just never replaced it. So, my kids came up with a plan. As you can see from the pictures below their imaginations are not only in tact but thriving. This solution to the lack of water was accomplished completely on their own, they tried a few things first before hitting the right combination to really have some fun but they were determined. They solved the issue of a constant and scattered spray, positioning it just right for maximum fun and the unexpected (for them at least) need to keep the tape as dry as possible so it would remain sticky. I don't know what I enjoyed more: their creativity, their perseverance, their teamwork or their giggles (well, okay giggles win every time but the others were running neck and neck). :-)

I think the most amazing thing about all of this is that somehow the state considers this activity less important than learning the multiplication tables or how to build a circuit. Don't get me wrong, math and science ARE important, just not MORE important than creativity. I can think of no other ability that is more needed in every aspect of life than the ability to be a creative problem solver. And yet this is overlooked in most school curriculums as well as the requirements for what constitutes important and required learning for homeschoolers. It simply doesn't fit into a "core" subject- which is how, according to state guidelines, the majority of our "school" time is supposed to be spent.

I looked up core: the basic or innermost part, the essence. The skills learned on a hot afternoon by working together toward a common goal are something that can just simply not be taught- it can only be learned through experience and reinforced by the pleasure gained from the fruits of those efforts. What could be more basic or essential than that?

2009-06-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

We are in full on game design mode. This little book that I spent about $20 on is the best investment I've made since we started homeschooling. I've lifted time restrictions on the computer so he has time to really dive in. The agreement is that this is okay as long as he stays his sunny self and the storm clouds don't come out, so far so good. I am somewhat amazed at the depth of the book and truly amazed at how quickly he has picked up the skills. He's been designing flash games online for a while but this is a whole new skill set; one that will be valuable even if he grows up and doesn't turn out to be a video game designer (as most 10 year old boys dream... but hey, someone is making all those games they keep trying to sell me).

I read once that the dreams we have as children speak to our soul and who we are really meant to be. As I watched him today, alternating between quiet focus and excited joy as he figured out something new I remembered another time I saw this. When he was very small, about 4 or 5 years old he started making up his own games using the pieces of our board games. They had rules, a goal, clear winners and were usually more fun than the original games. We would use Monopoly money, the Sorry pawns and the board from Candyland and have a whole new adventure. I was amazed then and I'm amazed now, not only by his imagination and determination but also that he is so constant in his pursuits despite the winding path we took to get here. He still loves doing it his way instead of just playing the game everyone else is playing. I realize as I'm typing this that this is the reason I was led to unschooling; so he (all of really but this story is about him) can make his own rules and have a better life than the one that usually comes in the box.

2009-06-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

We got Wii Fit this week. I already love the yoga exercises and especially the exercises that help me find my center of balance. I have been walking around out of balance for who knows how long without even realizing it. A subtle shift in my posture and a redistribution of my weight so I'm not putting to much pressure on one side has made a huge difference in how I feel. I was already pretty close to centered but not quite so people watching me stand or walk would probably not notice a difference but it is there and I notice. This is also true of our shift in how we unschool.

After realizing that we were out of balance and that I wasn't really holding up my end of the deal as facilitator I started making subtle shifts and redistributing things in our approach to life and learning. We simply had too much down time. This is very important, don't get me wrong, but we were getting too much of a good thing. I had been struggling because I didn't want to make them start doing meaningless tasks that would make me feel better but not really benefit them in the long run. So, I just continued reading (mostly Sandra Dodd), observing, meditating, searching, praying, waiting. I tried visualizing the kind of day I wanted but I couldn't. I realized it was because it wasn't just my day to visualize, it also belonged to the kids and I can't plan their perfect day. Instead I started visualizing what I wanted FOR my kids instead of what I wanted FROM them. Ultimately I want them to be happy, everything else is a bonus. So, the next logical question was what makes them happy?
I started plugging through the day looking for these glimpses of happiness and looking through photo albums to see when they were both happiest. Patterns began to emerge for each of them and I knew that if I truly wanted my role to be guide and facilitator then I was going to have to find ways to bring more of the things that bring them joy into their daily lives.

Much like my posture and gait the shift is subtle. If you spent a week with us last month and a week with us now you might notice a few things but it wouldn't seem like much, but for me it feels monumental. For Jace we've ordered books about game design and downloaded software to go with it. We're looking for someone to give him golf lessons. We also still make sure he has plenty of downtime because he gets overwhelmed without it. Kya continues her dance classes and we're taking her to the ballet in a few weeks. We've also cleaned up the easel that has been packed away and got some paints for her to explore with. They also both got new math workbooks this week.

In my rebellion against school I've resisted workbooks and I still don't think they NEED these books or even that they will necessarily learn all of the skills presented. However, with distance between myself and school I can now see them for what they are; a RESOURCE so when they approach something in life they have something to refer back to. They have used these particular books before and loved them; when I was at the bookstore I remembered that Jace finished the previous one on his own in about two days because it was such fun. I brought it home and this time he hasn't shown much interest in it but that's okay, it will be there if he wants it and if not we'll pass it along. Kya started hers she likes my help with it and it is really a lot of fun to do together because I get to see how she reasons through things.

So, there you have it, a subtle change in our center of balance. It feels really great.

p.s. I may or may not get to "Snapshot Sunday" today. I am trying to catch up with my self guided online photography class and I'd just rather take pictures of other things today- sorry, not doing something just because it's "assigned" (even if I gave myself the assingment) is part of my unschooling personality I suppose! :-)

2009-06-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

I have believed for as long as I can remember that the secret to life is balance. The balance of understanding others pain without allowing them to take advantage of you. The balance of living in the moment and still planning for the future. The balance of having enough without depriving yourself or overindulging. The balance of taking care of others without forgetting yourself. The balance of pursuing dreams while remembering the responsibilities of reality. The balance of being open to other's ideas and still standing firm in your own. In all of life there are extremes and in my experience a full life doesn't exist on either end of the spectrum. Perhaps this is what teenage rebellion is all about, jumping out of one extreme into the other. As we mature we find the right balance of the two extremes and we have to find it on our own. Life isn't a math lesson, there is no absolute zero; we all must find our own place of balance. I think all of life is pursuit of the perfect balance so I don't think any of us can ever find it completely; I do think I'm much closer than I was a decade ago. Hopefully the next decade will bring me even closer.

I've received many quizzical looks when I talk about the balance of life, I usually just drop it because people don't seem to understand what I mean. Since everyone's journey is different it didn't seem like something I needed to discuss or find someone to commiserate with in order to achieve for myself. But imagine my pleasant surprise the other day when discussing unschooling with a friend she mentioned balance. *waves to Karen* And she even went on to say that she thought balance was important in all of life. Well color me happy, I'm not the only one.

This led me on a pursuit of balance in our unschooling journey. Up to this point we've been deschooling a lot. I have shed most of the ideas about learning and education that I spent a great deal of time and money developing. I have come to see dance as equal to math (though I doubt I'll ever get to a point that I see anything as equal to reading but I digress). I get it now. But wait, I still feel off balance.

The seed of realization that we weren't quite there yet was planted when I read Guerilla Learning. I quoted in a previous post the idea that true freedom isn't the freedom to do nothing or to follow every whim but the freedom to commit to something. This idea has been bouncing around with me since I first read it. Then today, sparked by the conversation about balance I decided to see what some unschoolers I admire had to say on the topic. Sandra Dodd actually had an article about balance that summed it up beautifully. You can read the full article here.

I see now that the reason the last month or so hasn't felt good is because I've been out of balance. School, rigid schedules, checklists, textbooks, etc. weren't right for us but in turning away from those things I had gone to the other extreme. I don't really regret it because I think it was part of the deschooling process for us. I had A LOT of deschooling to do because as a former public school teacher I was much more enmeshed with the school culture than most. It was a little like the first party my parents let me go to... I had to get really really drunk to understand that I could push my parents limits but only so far without really regretting it. I think rebelling against school was kind of like that teenage rebellion against my parents and just like then I may have had to go to far to understand what "too far" really was. Time to sober up.

Snapshot Sunday

2009-06-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

I have found myself looking forward to Sunday just so I could play this little game tumbling around the blogosphere. This is partly because I have a very nice new DSLR camera and if I could have taken a picture of it I would have included it in last weeks obsessions. But its more than camera obsession, the camera is helping me see the ordinary pieces of life in new and extraordinary ways and I like the idea of taking the time to pull the pieces of that together and tell a small story about our lives.

I still like the idea of having a theme, some weeks that may not work out but for now its the direction I'm flowing for Snapshot Sunday. This weeks theme is The Day After: Remains of Kya's 9th Birthday. As you can see, I hadn't cleaned up much when I took these shots, maybe I'll get to that today.

2009-06-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well, my dad went back to work which meant that Jace had no choice but to go to playgroup this week and to tag along on a playdate Kya had. Playgroup was a big success, the playdate had an incident but was overall a good day.

Playgroup was at the park but Jace brought along his DS and a book to read so he didn't have to get out of the car if he didn't want to (and so he could return to the car if he felt overwhelmed). Neither was needed. :) He played well with others, made friends with some of the boys who were new to playgroup, came to me only once because he was feeling upset and I only had to go to him once because he was upsetting Kya. He left talking about how much fun he'd had and was feeling good about going back. All in all a very good day.

The playdate was much the same; getting along with everyone, not getting overly upset over minor things, etc. He did overreact once when he couldn't get into the house and he shoved the door open knocking down the child who was playfully holding the door closed on the other side... not his finest moment, an overreaction that could have been avoided and quite embarrassing as a mama but thankfully no one was seriously hurt. He was able to talk calmly about it after and we were able to think about ways he should have handled it.

He's come a long way and even though he's far from perfect I'm oh so proud of (and releived by to be perfectly honest) the progress he's made. I beleive with my whole heart that this progress is in large part to unschooling. He feels more in control of his life, knows that his opinions matter and isn't being pushed by the adults in his life (teachers, parents, coaches) to change himself to fit their needs. At first I worried that giving him this much power would make his temper and frustration issues worse but it has been quite the opposite. He is empowered to take charge of things that truly matter in his life such as when, how and what he learn as well as how he will spend the majority of his time. He also knows that no one is going to try to take his power to choose these things away and therefore has little need to prove how powerful is to himself or anyone else.

Snapshot Sunday- Obsessions

2009-06-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm a day late getting the pictures up but I did take them yesterday! If you want to participate in Snapshot Sunday click on the title to take you to "The Napping House" for the rules and links to some other blogs that participate. :)

This is our first snapshot Sunday post and I found myself just walking around the house aimlessly taking pictures and I had lots to share~ so, I decided to have a theme to help me narrow it down. This week I'm focusing on our current obsessions, enjoy!

Lego's has become a shared obsession as Jace has pulled Kya into it since he has aquired so many block people. This is an arena that they have used for various things including: a basketball game, circus, and a concert.

Barbie's don't need to wait for December~ Kya's have been celebrating Christmas for a while now.

The outside of the clubhouse has been finished for a while but this weekend was all about finishing the interior. It now has insulation, walls, carpeting, a light and an outlet. The kids are ecstatic and planning lots of sleepovers.

Jace is golf crazy! I may need to find a driving range soon to keep my yard from becoming one giant divot.

Technically the swings are part of the clubhouse but they enjoy them so much that I thought they deserved their own picture in the obsession themed post. I love watching them and listening to them while they are on the swings. Even cooking supper isn't so bad with the windows open and the sound of them talking and laughing drifting in.

2009-05-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

Unschooling is a pretty ironic lifestyle choice for me. I am a control freak... I like being in charge and imparting my wisdom in order to "help" others. I'm working on it and I have made great strides to improve this about myself but I still get a slight stomach ache when I feel out of control.

Most recently the source of my anxiety is that I am having a very hard time with the duration of the down time in our natural ebb and flow of life. I had observed this for many months and had come to accept that the kids would go through periods of less activity, less focused interest, less traditonal learning. However this most recent period of relaxation has lasted for quite some time and it is making me want to force them to crack open a math book or check something educational out at the library. I don't really know why it is bothering me so much, my kids are doing fine, better than fine in fact since they both read and do math above what is considered their grade level.

I also realize that more has been going on than I often notice because the further we travel into unschooling the more life and learning is blurred. I tell myself this is good, that natural learning, completely part of, not seperate from, life is the goal but still that feeling that I've lost control lingers...

2009-05-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Guerrilla Learning: How To Give Your Kids A Real Education With or Without School by Grace Llewellyn and Amy Silver (authors of The Teenage Liberation Handbook). I think this is perhaps the best book I've read in regard to unschooling despite the fact that it isn't really an unschooling book. The target audience is parents whose kids are still in school and will most likely remain in school. The authors are trying to help those families understand that school is a resource for learning, not the whole of learning as our society would have us believe. The ideas suggested to parents to extend learning beyond the classroom and into the world are captivating as well as clarifying for me.

The topic of freedom has appealed to me most because as a new unschooler this has been the most difficult thing for me to balance. I want my kids to have the freedom to be themselves but as members of a family and citizens of the world they also have responsibilities that can't be ignored simply because they aren't fun. Yet everytime I intterupt them to clean their room or help with the dishes while they are engrossed in an activity I feel guilty; as if this interupption is going to inhibit them somehow and I am interfering with the natural flow of their day. On the other hand if I let them continue indefinately with their own pursuits I feel reduced to the status of the maid and become resentful and impatient. I knew there must be balance to this issue but it was somehow eluding me. And then on page 131 of Guerrilla Learning I found the answer.

The authors describe freedom in the following way:
(italics are the authors, bold is mine)

Freedom is not the same as mere liberty to follow our desires and impulses. The person who automatically follows every impusle is not free at all but is a slave of desire. Freedom, as some philosophers have described it, is essentially the freedom to commit oneself, and that's what interests us: the freedom to choose and to commit... [T]he freedom to do and be what we can be, more so than the freedom from rules and limits.

The others go on to describe the role of parent as "choice coach" and discuss the importance of helping children understand that "[F]reedom is not inconsistent with obligation." In other words we all have things we must do and have little choice without serious consequences (paying the electric bill for example; if we choose not to do this we choose to have no lights, computer, tv, etc.) Furthermore when we do have a choice we still have consequences; if I choose to learn a new language then the consequence will be the time, effort and money needed to truly learn this; and this will result in less time, effort and money available for other things that I may also feel are important but not quite as important right now as this goal.

This new perspective gives me pause, helps me see some areas I have gotten it right with my kids and other areas I really need to reevaluate. The fact that I'm still learning to be their mom after all this time is a true testement to the power of learning independently when things are important to us.

2009-05-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

A quiet week and not much to report as far as the kids activities go. That is a good thing since we had such a busy week last week. I got a new camera so I will just share some photos of the fun things that have occupied our laid back week including playing catch, computer time, dance class, taking lots of pictures, hanging out with Grandpa, basketball, and homeschool playgroup just to name a few. :)

2009-05-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight, after being quiet in her room for over an hour, Kya came out very excited and wanted to read me her story. I had already tucked her in and it had been quiet for a while so I thought she was sleeping and was a little surprised to see her so wide awake but this is how things go. We put the kids to bed with the understanding that they can do quiet things but don't have to go to sleep; they know when they are tired and we don't have to be up early to keep someone else's schedule so this works for us. After hearing her story, I am so glad we relaxed about bedtimes.

This story was so good, the cadence so poetic, and the imagery so vivid that I was imagining the pictures in a book, seeing the pages turn while she read to me. Now, I am an avid reader but the ladies in my book club will tell you that I'm not all that into detailed imagery- I like the character study and seeing authentic characters in authentic interactions and relationships. I don't usually "see" much in my minds eye... the narrator is a voice in the dark because a good character study will take you into the dark places of the characters mind. I tell you this so you can understand that for me to see pictures leaping forth from these words was no small thing. Her story was good. Not good for an 8 year old but really and truly good.

The thing is, if she was in school I don't know if she could have written this. She would used to being told what and when to write. She would be used to having rules about the correct way to write pushed on her. When she was in public school she liked to be right, to be smart, to be showered with words of praise- and it was squashing her creativity. Tonight she wrote for the sheer joy of it, she wrote when the ideas came to her without fear that she would be too tired to get up on time in the morning, and she shared it with me in the full knowledge that I wasn't going to pick it apart and try to "fix" it, but that I would just enjoy it.

I have seen her artistic side coming forth more and more this year. When the kids make up skits and perform them I am astounded by how good her acting is; the first time I realized how good she was it actually brought tears to my eyes. She has begun taking dance again, from a serious dance instructor, and she can't stop moving. She has been creating beautiful abstract artwork. She sings constantly and told me that music makes her feel good "Way down deep." She is an artist in every sense of the word and I can see her creativity so vibrantly. The most amazing thing about all of this is that a few months ago I could not see it.

A few months ago she was too worried about so many things that other people had decided were important and she had no time to discover what she found important. This is a tragedy; kids like Jace are so vocal about their unhappiness, about the loss of themselves in the system. But kids like Kya smile, seem to be doing okay, seem to be the ones that school is a good fit for when really they are losing themselves just as much, maybe more, because no one, not even themselves, seems to notice.

2009-05-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

I am becoming more vocal about my belief in unschooling. This is partly because I am growing weary of the questions and have deveolped some standard answeres but it is also because my faith in the approach is growing stronger. These two reasons were illustrated beautifully for me recently when a mother whose children are traditionally schooled was very interested in what we do but finally said, "I want my children to go on to college though."

I admit that at first my feathers were ruffled; I want my kids to go to college as well and besides, she seemed to be implying that I was falling short and not preparing them well enough. It was a brief encounter and I simply smiled and gave my now standard response that I do too, in fact I've spoken to people who work in admissions at nearby universities. But as I went about my day I couldn't help coming back to this conversation. Now, a few days later, it is still floating around in my head. I finally figured out that is because I only addressed her concern- why unschooling/homeschooling is just as good as traditional school. I did not however address my concern- why I believe this way is better for my kids than traditional school.

So, I thought about the goals I have more kids; they do include college, if they so choose, but that is not my ONLY goal for them. A few others I think are vital:
-fearlessnes in the pursuit of their dreams
-the ability to accept failures as a stepping stone on the path to success
-the ability to define success for themselves instead of accepting the world's definition
-to appreciate what makes them unique as well as the uniqueness of others
-recognition that although we are all unique we are also connected
-creativity in play, in work, in problem solving, in LIFE
-the ability to think critically and logically
-the courage to think for themselves
-trust in themselves; in their ability to learn, in their own goals and dreams, in their intuitive knowledge of and abiltiy to meet their own physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental need

I think all of these things are vital to a healthy, happy life and I believe the path we are traveling is the best way I can help them reach these goals. I also believe that, at least for my own children, traditional school was a huge obstacle to many of these goals. So, next time someone tells me they wouldn't homeschool or unschool because they want their children to go to college I'll still say that I want my kids to go to college too. But I might also have a few other things to add.

2009-05-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

I have been worried about science but yesterday's trip to the conservation center proved to be a big leap in the right direction. This was our third trip to the monthly homeschool class but the numbers were small and we were able to talk with the conservasionist more than usual. There is a frontier club packet that we'd never received that she gave to us and explained and judging from the kids excitement I don't think we will have to worry about botanical and zoological sciences for a while.

The packet is full of scouting type activities to be done outdoors so kids (and adults!) can learn about native plant and animal life. The kids earn points for completing the activities and these points help them progress through acheivment levels- each with a reward such as water bottle, magnifying glass, compass, backpack, etc. Jace loves free stuff and quickly found the activities he would enjoy in the booklet. Kya quickly caught the excitement and they are both looking forward to becoming "Conservationists".

Once again, we have had some down time where the kids haven't been doing much and just as I start to worry that perhaps I don't have the faith to this something comes along to spark their interest and remind me that this process really does work.

2009-05-15T05:54:00.000-07:00

My friend (and one of my favorite people) has the most beautiful explanation for why she chooses to homeschool. I could not find words to say it better so I'll just let you read what she has to say in her post "How She Learns."

2009-05-13T03:56:00.000-07:00

I have been having computer issues that have kept me busy and posting hasn't been a priority. Still having issues but I need to get some thoughts down before they disappear completely!

Things seem to rise and fall with a natural rhythym. The kids haven't really been doing much lately and I haven't really been facilitating a lot of activity. They seem to need the break and frankly, so have I. So our days have fallen into a natural rhythym of them taking turns with the computer in the mornings, usually staying to watch each other when their own turn is over, and playing, again mostly together, in the afternoons. I love listening to them together and they get along very well. Once in a while an small disagreement will erupt but for the most part they are friends (although they would never admit this).

Yesterday afternoon they got on their swimsuits and played in the bathtub for a while, then they got out and went on to play in their rooms. I almost hated to break the spell but Kya needed to go to dance, which she loves, so I had to interupt their fun. It was worth it because she had so much fun, she just can't stop dancing which shows me how much she loves it. I am so glad she has been able to go back and to a teacher who makes it fun but also helps her truly learn.

When we got home in the evening the kids, once again, went off to play. Once again I had to interrupt because we are going to visit my brother today and I wanted them to get a good night's sleep. When I went in to tell them to get ready for bed I saw that they were very busy. They had found their old public school assignment planners and found the maps in the back. They were marking home, places they've visited, and places they'd like to visit in different colors. I realized that my kids have a very good grasp of geography simply because they dream of seeing the world. :)

2009-05-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

Well, that day in the sunshine proved to be wonderful. Kya spent the entire afternoon wading in a creek looking at plant and animal life, digging in the sand, and just having fun with her friends. On the way home she told me about the tadpoles she'd found, their various sizes and colors and wondered aloud what type of frogs they would grow into. She observed, all on her own, that not all tadpoles are the same and therefore made the conclusion that they come from different frogs and will mature into different frogs. I know this seems very basic and obvious to an adult but I can assure you that this is a "lesson" that would be taught in school with worksheets, text, and maybe a few pictures. All of that would be followed by review and tests to ensure that the children "learned" the information. At the end of all that lesson some kids would still not necessarily understand that we were talking about an entirely different species of frog, not just different attributes of the parents like children with blue or brown eyes. Some children would grasp the understanding and forget it as soon as the test was taken. A small minority would understand it as well as Kya demonstrated in that 5-10 minute conversation and then remember it as well as she will because she discovered it for herself and it was important to her for her own reasons, not an artificial importance based on a grade. For us there will be no test, no review, just the understanding that she learned something new because it came to her in a meaninful way through her own powers of discernment.

A bit of a rant...

2009-05-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Let me apolgize upfront that this isn't my usual sunny alternating with doubting self. I am just frustrated and venting. If you want to read on after that intro, God bless you. :)

I fully understand that homeschooling is something that you sometimes need to experience yourself or see done through a close friend to fully understand but I really get tired of defending myself. I also find it really creepy how people just assume that I need a monitor to ensure I'm doing a good job. Even more frustrating than those who think I need a monitor are those who think THEY are my monitor. I encounterd both of these individuals tonight. The following conversations took place within two hours of each other, while I was trying to work no less.

A woman questioned me extensively tonight about who I report to, who makes sure my kids are learning, who oversees my children's education. Ummm... no one, me, and me. Of course I always think of the perfect thing to say after people walk away... I should have asked her who she reports to, who makes sure her kids eat a balanced and healthy diet, who oversees her children's eating habits. I'm holding onto that one for next time. People have just handed over education for so long that people just can't wrap their brains around it being done any other way. I understand that, I will even admit that I used to be one of those people who just didn't understand... however I would never have been so rude, so presumptious to grill a casual aquaintance and (intentionally or not) imply that they were somehow lacking the skills needed to properly parent/educate their children.

If that had been the only incident of the evening regarding homeshcooling I would have probably been irritated but let it go pretty easily. But it wasn't the only incident. An older gentlemen took it upon himself to tell me that it was fine for me to homeschool my kids when they are small but as they grow up they need to be in school. (Ironically someone else made the exact OPPOSITE argument a few days ago.)This conversation began with him asking me if all the people in our homeschool group thought this was a good alternative. What kind of question is that? OF COURSE THEY DO THEY WOULDN'T BE HOMESCHOOLERS IF THEY DIDN'T THINK THAT. I didn't say that though, instead I said, in my sweetest voice, that actually most of us think that school is the alternative education.

He was a bit flumoxed by that but not so much that it stopped him. He preceded to tell me they would miss out, wouldn't be ready for the "real world" (I often wonder what fairy world we live in now if it isn't the real one), and how on earth would they get into college. The college bit really got me because he said, and I quote, "You can't do anything with a high school diploma, those kids gotta go to college." Umm, yeah, if you can't do anything with a high school diploma then why exactly do we need one? I patiently explained that I have talked with people at universities about their admissions processes for homeschoolers, that I actually know homeschoolers who *gasp* went on to college, and that NINE of our esteemed US presidents were homeschooled so I thought the "real world" wouldn't be an issue. He then pressed the issue about sports, prom, and countless other "essential experiences" that my kids would be missing. Again, with great patience I told him that some homeschoolers organize their own proms, that there are homeschool sports leagues, and that my kids get lots of experiences that traditionally schooled kids miss that we think are essential.

Breathe in, breathe out. I'm glad I can rant here because I was thinking about what I would say here while patiently smiling at these people and answering their very nosy questions.

Tomorrow we are going to a beautiful park to soak in the sun and run and play with friends while the kids in traditional schools get the "essential experience" of sitting quietly in a desk with all the window shades drawn so the sunshine doesn't distract them. And the only person I will report that to is me (and maybe you guys).

2009-05-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

Mondays are kind of lazy days for us; we generally have busy weekends so Monday has become our day of rest and relaxation. The kids haven't been super busy lately which is okay with me. The hours required by the state will be finished in a few weeks and we won't start counting for next year until July 1 so taking it easy doesn't stress me out too much right now. I am also learning to trust these natural lulls in our routine; we just need time to recharge once in a while.

That being said, I still sometimes worry if we are doing enough (I know, I know, I should take my own advice and be present; there is a diffence though in being present and being stagnant but I digress). I never worry about language arts skills because in our house those come pretty naturally. We read, we discuss new words, we write letters, use the phone book to look up addresses as well as phone numbers, and all sorts of other things that have to do with print and verbal communication. I also don't worry a lot about social sciences because we pay attention to and discuss world politics, visit historic sites, practice and discuss civic responsibilties, etc. Math is used almost daily for measuring, calculating, converting recipes, scheduling activities, and more. Science is a different story though. I'm not naturally drawn to it so I worry that we aren't accomplishing enough. I feel like both kids are missing something here for different reasons. Jace has a very scientifically inquisitive mind and I think he could accomplish a lot but I don't know how to entice him and make it more interesting than simply checking books out at the library. Kya, like me, isn't naturally drawn to science so she doesn't pay much attention to it. I do NOT want to go back to paper and pencil type activities but I am going to be working toward incorporating science into our daily lives in more prominent ways. I recently bought two different books about teaching scientific principles through cooking so that is a start. I'm also thinking that a telescope may be on the horizons for us.

sunnydaytodaymama: On Children (Inspirational Monday)

2009-05-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

A great post from a blogger who luckily found me... because then I found her right back. :)

sunnydaytodaymama: On Children (Inspirational Monday)

2009-05-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

I really feel like I am starting to truly "get" unschooling. My latest realization came to me when I was doing my record keeping logs (required by the state) and I decided I was going to start counting an hour per week for vocabulary despite the fact that we never sit down and have a formal vocabulary "lesson".

Any time my kids don't know a word (whether it is heard in conversation, on tv, or in a book) they ask, we discuss it, and we move on. I thought about turning each question into a lesson about using the dictionary, using the word in context, asking them to use the word after I've explained, etc. But I (thankfully) realized that all this would really do was discourage them from asking questions. If they are interested enough to ask then they will probably remember without the extra song and dance.

I have noticed them using many of these new words in conversation after these discussions, a few we never hear again. I think vocabulary lessons in school have the same results, some things you remember and some you don't. However, I do think my kids are remembering and using a lot more of their new "vocabulary words" because, as I said before, they were interested enough to ask but also because they see a context within which knowing the word is useful in the world, not just on a list of words to memorize.

I love this wonderfully revealing path we have chosen! :-)

2009-05-01T08:27:00.001-07:00

Expanding on that last post- if I am not parenting in the future I certainly shouldn't be parenting in the past. I need to let go of the guilt I have about my days when I prescribed more authoritarian parenting strategies and the time spent in public school that was especially damaging to Jace. I can't undo those things and, again, I have to parent the child in front of me. My new mantra- Be Present.

2009-04-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

I had a bit of an epiphany this morning and needed to write it out in order to organize my thoughts around it.

Unschooling is about parenting the child in front of you instead of the adult they may become. I've had to let go of a lot of "what ifs" in order to unschool and it has made me a more present parent. I recently wrote that motherhood should come with a crystal ball because I was frustrated about how I could know I was doing the right thing. Now I realize that I don't need to see the future to know this; I just need to look at my kids RIGHT NOW to know if their PRESENT needs are being met. The future is made in the present and if the present is peaceful, intriguing, fun, loving, and mindful then the future will be as well.

2009-04-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

The most difficult part of letting go of a traditional schooling model is the loss of "measureable results". We don't take tests, the kids choose to do some worksheets but it is random and rare, and at the end of the day it is sometimes difficult for me to put our day into "educationese" for my log book. I have to constanlty remind myself that getting all of the right answers on a test or worksheet does not guarantee that information has truly been learned. How can something be so true and so difficult at the same time?

ETA- of course Patrick Farenga explains the paradox of educationese much better than I; and with the catchy title "Schools are from Mars- Homeschoolers are from Earth" LOL!

2009-04-23T14:35:00.001-07:00

We've had such a busy week that I haven't really had time to record it all!

Tuesday was awesome because both of the kids finally got to start taking some lessons in areas of interest. We have wanted to do this and are finally finacially able to so it was an exciting day. Jace is taking guitar lessons and he really likes it so far. He woke up Wednesday morning and the first thing he did was practice. He also figured out for himself how to replace a broken string. Kya is taking dance lessons, she is also very excited and wears her dance outfit as often as possible practicing what she has learned. I am just so happy that they both have these opportunities right now. :)

Wednesday was Earth Day and loads of fun. The activities at the nearby university were so kid friendly and I got to hang out and listen to some great live music and chat with my friends. Kya loved the face painting and the free flower. I can't honestly say what she learned because we already know the importance of the three environmental R's (reduce/reuse/recycle) but it was a fun day to celebrate with like minded people, reinforcing those ideals.

After the festivities I headed to work, cooking a large meal at our church before the Wednesday evening activities held there. Kya tagged along since we were already in town for the Earth Day activities. The woman helping out in the kitchen, a retired teacher, was using the brownies to ask her about some simple multiplication involving arrays. It was nice of her to do but Kya balked at the idea that there is one "right" way to multiply. There were five rows of brownies so the woman was trying to get Kya to count by fives, a reasonable request. HOWEVER, Kya has learned that doubling numbers is a better strategy for her, 8x2=16 16x2=32 32+8=40. The same answer, almost as fast as counting by fives and it works for her. The woman did eventually acknowledge that there was nothing wrong with Kya's way of doing things but only after she'd told her she was doing it wrong several times. It made me glad that she isn't in school being told to do things "right" instead of using her creativity to figure things out for herself.

Today a trip to the national forest near us for a hike started out shaky but ended up being fun. It was hotter than the weather man said it would be and I was doubting if the trip was a good idea. But once again water proved to be our saving grace. My kids have fun wherever there is water to play in and the shallow creek proved to be perfect. They kicked off their shoes, rolled up their shorts and started collecting rocks. We had a great discussion about erosion by wind and water and how rocks and sand are formed. It only took a few minutes but they understood it more than an entire lesson from a textbook.

All in all a good few days, I'm starting to understand my role as facilitator. I'm not passively sitting back and waiting for them to become interested in things to study. Instead I'm making sure that we have interesting opportunities that create teachable moments. These may or may not lead to further study but something is learned none-the-less. Still feeling our way through this journey into unschooling but feeling more equipped all the time. :)

2009-04-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Hollywood, here we come! LOL

I am listening to my kids in the next room. They are making a movie with our Flip video camera. The pause it so Jace can direct and adjust the script, he's actually very good at this. Kya is the actress of the family. The first time they put a play on for us my heart skipped a beat to realize how naturally gifted she is at performing. They make a great team and I fully expect to be thanked in their acceptance speech for best picture some day. ;)

2009-04-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

We had a pretty busy day today. I headed off to church, followed by the grocery store, alone; Robbie didn't want to go so the kids opted to stay home with him. I got home in time for lunch then back to town to see the Hannah Montana movie as promised... Kya's friend met us there and then came home to play after. When we took her home I chatted with her mom for a while so it was late by the time we got home. Aside from a little computer time not much went on today that most would consider "educational" (although there are always snippets of conversation that amaze me). Then as I was thinking there wouldn't be much to record for the day Jace was going to bed and he turned back and picked up a book that has been laying around for a few months. He's ready to read it now. Kya came in after I'd tucked her in to show me the picture she'd been drawing. After we looked at it together she then spotted her journal and decided to write before going to sleep. What a blessing that they do these things on their own. :)

2009-04-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

Jace was having behavior problems directly linked to the computer. Too much time in front of the computer was the actual CAUSE of the problem; he was easily frustrated, tempermental, and unable to control his emotions. Some kids process time spent in front of a screen differently. Some don't agree with me but that's okay; if I'd only experienced a child, like Kya for example, who can handle unlimited screen time without obsessive compulsive or adverse behavioral effects I would probably not understand limitations either. But I KNOW the screen time is the cause of these issues and I'm intervening. This is what seperates me from the radical unschoolers I suppose but I'm okay with that too. I'm not really in this for the label of unschooler, I'm in it because I'm trying to help my kids be their best selves, sometimes that means choices and following their lead, sometimes it means stepping in when they aren't able to make good choices due to maturity, lack of information, etc. So, Jace is taking a nice long break from the computer.

An unintended result of this break is that just one day into it is already easing my previous panic. I was worried before that his focus was too narrow and now he has no choice but to broaden his ideas of fun and learning.

Earlier in the week Jace bought a DS game that is a generic version of Guitar Hero or Rock Band. He really loves these types of games and has been playing a lot, though not obsessively. This morning when he was tired of playing the game he asked me to bring him the globe. He stretched out in the living room floor with the game, the globe, a dry erase board, markers, paper, and pencil. Out of curiosity I would walk through the living room occasionally so I could observe without hovering. He was planning a world tour. :)

He was using the dry erase board to plan his route; drawing the continents and putting x's and numbers on the cities he would be visiting. On the paper he was listing the cities and their country in order, designing concert t-shirts, and planning his playlist from the list of songs on his game. I asked him how he was choosing the order of the songs and he had an elaborate system that involved fast songs to get the crowd worked up mixed with slow songs to bring them back down.

Honestly, I am always so much more impressed by what my kids are learning when no one is teaching them anything.

2009-04-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

I discovered where my doubts were coming from. It was the rut of the routine. The kids are doing valuable things but it is a lot of the same. I think it somehow loses some of its value when you do something every day. But this is something I can work with. I just need to be more proactive in following up with things that they express interest in, make myself more available when they feel inspired. It's just too easy to settle into doing the same things and then we all get bored, uninspired, and somewhat lazy about life. The method isn't the problem, its keeping ourselves motivated within ANY method that is the problem.

2009-04-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have been wavering, second guessing myself in this decision to unschool. I look at what the kids have done and I don't feel like it is enough and I have doubts.

They are spending a lot of time on the computer, doing lots of interesting and amazing things, figuring things out that I don't know how to do.

They are also spending a lot of time with creative play... they make up games and stories and act those stories out with each other and with their toys.

I read to them, usually they also read to themselves.

Kya likes playing hangman right now. Jace is winding down from a Lego frenzy.

I can't help but wonder, is this enough? Am I doing the right thing? But everytime I consider going back to the old ways, even really relaxed things, my stomach clenches, I feel like I'm throwing in the towel too quickly. I will continue down this path and see where it leads because I know I can retrace my steps later if I really need to.

Motherhood should come with a crystal ball.

2009-04-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

When I taught fourth grade in a ps there was a big push that year for kids to focus on "reading for information". This always seemed strange to me because even when reading for pleasure information is absorbed. But, in the interest of complying with state standards, lessons were taught on this subject. Worksheets were made to ask questions were asked both from the main text and the captions and graphs in an article/story. Even the kids who like to read did not enjoy these types of reading assignments because they detracted from the pure joy of reading. And, once again, my unschooling experience has shown me what a silly concept this is.

Jace got a new Lego kit for Easter, a friction propelled car that he was very excited about. He got out his Lego catalog and looked to see if they had more of these types of kits and how much he would have to save to buy some. As he was looking through this catalog he informed me that Lego's have been around since at least 1977. I asked him how he knew that, to which he replied, "They have vintage Lego kits in here and the oldest one is from 1977; I bet they had Legos before that but maybe that was the first kit."

Here I thought he was just looking at a toy catalog and it turns out he was reading for information, lol. :D

2009-04-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Kya and I made a quick stop at the grocery store and the cashier asked the inevitable question, "Why aren't you at school/"

Kya can be a bit shy with new people so she looked to me and I answered for her. The cashier was very nice and continued asking me questions. She then turned back to Kya and asked her, "Do you study hard?" To which Kya responded, "No."

I got a bit of a withering look from the cashier at this point but I was beaming. My daughter is bright, creative, articulate, loves reading, is a wonderful dancer, and so much more. She achieved all of this without "studying hard" but instead by living a life where she has the time and freedom to do the things she loves. At eight years old this is what life should be. Heck, I think its a pretty good goal for 33. :)

2009-04-07T11:15:00.000-07:00

Today is the kind of day that led me to start the blog. Kya slept until nearly 11 am, Jace has been watching tv and videos on youtube and not much else has been going on today. I am still in my pajamas in fact. It seems indulgent and semi-neglectful to have a day like this on a Tuesday. But then I look back at my log book and what I have posted here and I know that a morning of bumming around is okay. Lots of people probably did that on Saturday when my kids were doing other things.

I guess the Monday through Friday, 8 to 4 mindset is just really hard to shake. My mantra for today (and all the days like this) is going to be "Learning and relaxing are both at their best when they happen naturally, not according to a clock or calendar."

ETA: More evidence I should just RELAX... after posting this the kids spent some time at Grandpa's and then headed home. Once they were home they were so busy! Kya made a five minute movie with her Barbies that she wrote herself, Jace continued to make complex Lego creations, and they both spent some time online playing games on their favorite sites tht just happen to be traditionally educational. The big shocker came when Kya showed me how to change her user picture on the desktop in a much simpler way than I'd been doing it. She just figured it out all on her own. :)

2009-04-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today was all about email! Yesterday I showed Jace how to copy and paste a link into an email and send it to me because he was constantly wanting to show me YouTube videos. I was constantly running into the computer to see the latest Lego video he liked and wasn't getting anything accomplished around the house, lol. The copy and paste method has been great; he knows I'm interested in what is important to him because we discuss the things he sends me but I'm not driven to distraction by having to stop what I'm working on all the time, the best of both worlds.

I told Jace that I could also send him links to things I thought he might find interesting so I sent him a couple of things I've had languising in my favorites for a while. Then I thought Kya would probably really like getting email from me as well. We set up an account for her a while back that she never used and we had long forgotten her username much less the password. No problem, in less than ten minutes I had figured it out and she was logged in. I showed her how to send me things as well but she didn't really seem interested. She did like the idea of me sending her things.

This has been a great, no pressure way for me to share things that I think they'll enjoy without expectation that they must do something with it. They both liked the solar oven idea and we are going to build one very soon. The mentos and diet coke was intriguing but I don't really think its going to pan out. Kya informed me that she'd already been to one of the sites I sent her. So, some were great successes, others fell short but all were valuable learning tools. :)

2009-04-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

We got new car insurance yesterday. This probably seems like an odd thing to post on a blog about unschooling but in reality it is the most natural thing to post. In an unschooling family everything is a learning opportunity. We discussed with the kids how we shopped around, compared rates based on our current plan, raised deductibles and dropped frivolous things from the plan. We discussed how much the new plan saved us each month and Jace mentally calculated what that savings would be each year (he broke it down by multiplying by ten, then by two, and adding those products). Well, an annual savings of over $400 had everyone thinking about what they would do with that money and exactly what would be the smartest financial decision but would also allow for some fun. I think its important to point out that didn't plan in advance that we would have this discussion or that it would be a math "lesson." It just flowed naturally because I talk to my kids about what I'm doing all the time; we are interested in each other's lives and it opens up the entire world to learning.

2009-04-04T20:09:00.001-07:00

We have been in a full blown Lego frenzy for a few days. Jace is really enjoying making things with moving parts that have special functions. He has made several versions of a soda machine, an Oreo dispenser, and a chocolate Easter egg dispenser. All include loading something at the top and moving pieces to release one object at the bottom, gumball machine style. There have been Legos everywhere but it has been so much fun to watch him create, test, tweak, and ultimately share his efforts.

He has also been reading a few biographies of Tony Hawk. First he read the one geared at kids and has since moved on to the more in depth version. He is so fascinated and has started riding his skateboard again. I love the information he is sharing with me... the books really put an emphasis on following your dreams and being willing to do the hard work it takes to acheive them. He shared with me that Tony had to give up the violin when he was young because there wasn't time for school, skateboarding, and violin. Since retiring from professional skateboarding he has taken up the violin again. Jace thought it was really cool that you could keep learning, "even when you're old." I think it is such a great thing to learn at ten that you don't have to be just one thing, there are stages in life and even if you can't do it all at the same time, it doesn't mean you won't have other opportunities to pursue those dreams.

Special Talents

2009-04-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

Kya was helping my mom in the garden yesterday and mentioned that I wasn't as good at this particular skill as Grandma. My mother is well aware of my black thumb so she had to chuckle. She told Kya that it isn't really all that unusual for daughters and moms to be good at different things; her own mom was a talented seamstress and she can't sew at all. Kya was thoughtful for a few moments and then said she knew what my special talent was, "Being a good mom." Well, of course I melted at this story. But even better was what she declared her own special talent to be- being herself. :)

2009-04-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

Kya finally felt comfortable skating on the main floor of the skating rink today! She was so excited and proud of herself, so was I. She really has to move at her own pace with these things and was feeling nervous and scared about it before. I worried that she was missing out by staying on the carpeted areas, after all we were there to visit with her friends and they were out on the rink! I have offered to walk out there in my socks with her (I am NOT getting on skates, lol) but she wanted to do this on her own. Today she did! What a victory. :)

Jace chose not to go to playgroup today, he stayed with Grandpa and had his own fun. His Lego creations are astounding! He is so innovative with the limited number of moving parts (mostly hinges) in his collection. In the past he made some very cool transformers with them and today he made a soda machine that actually releases a cylindrical Lego piece when a piece is moved. I found a Lego website where he can upload pictures of his creations and will link it as soon as we get them up.

Part of today's success was because Jace was able to stay home when he felt he needed to and Kya was able to stay at playgroup as long as she needed to since Jace wasn't there, ready to go early. Grandpa will be going back to work soon and Jace will have to come with us. Playgroup isn't really an option because it would be fair for Kya (and me!!!) to miss out on seeing her friends and if Grandpa is working there is nowhere else for him to go. We have discussed this and reached a compromise. I agreed to let him bring his Nintendo DS, BUT if the car is in sight of our play area then he has to stay in the car with it, if not then we will find a suitable place where he will be safe but can have his space. We had success with this last week, and he eventually got out of the car and played for a bit. So, even though I don't like the idea of him sitting alone in the car with video games it seemed like the best compromise.

2009-03-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

Today was quite eventful if you looked closely! On the surface it didn't really appear that much was happening and someone spending the day with us would have assumed we were taking "Spring Break." (Which is such a funny concept when you unschool because learning is life and you can't take a break from that, lol)

Jace had an extremely productive day:
This morning he was already on the computer when I got out of bed; he's an early riser and I am not so he occupies himself for about half an hour or so. I noticed he was on Webkinz (again) but he had opted to do the "quizzies"- trivia games which help them earn Kinzcash. The quizzies have some random trivia and wouldn't really be considered a productive use of time by most folks because the facts are so, well, trivial. But then, oh how my heart soared to see this site, my little guy had this quiz business all figured out. He had two windows open and when he didn't know the answer to a question he would google it in the other window. He had figured out that navigating away from the page would end the quiz but had found a way around that. He used logic and reasoning to overcome an obstacle that was preventing him from achieving a goal which he found important (acquiring Kinzcash) and in the process had discovered a very useful skill that will serve him well for a lifetime... if you don't know the answer, know where to find the answer.
He is very into a board game right now called "Totally Gross" which has science trivia and asked to play that after breakfast so we did; there were some funny and interesting tidbits that led to some greater discussion. The best part is that to win the game a mini science experiment is completed with common household items. Today's game winning (Jace's win, not mine) experiment used a cup of water, pepper, and a drop of dish soap to demonstrate surface tension. It was very cool, very easy, and very fun.
The rest of the day was spent "playing" his guitar, swinging, hanging out with Grandpa (which varies day to day but can have them doing anything from building in the shed to playing chess), watching some interesting TV, listening to me read from our shared book, and communicating with his e-pen pals from various parts of the world. The only thing I had to do with any of this was asking for some quiet time without any screens for a while.
The kids have to be in bed at a particular time but they do not have to go to sleep, they can read, draw, etc. as long as it is quiet and can be done laying down and resting. Jace was looking at a toy catalog. About half an hour after he went to bed he came out of his room to show me his wish list. It included a price list with the total price of all of the items on the list and, here's the kicker, a timeline for his ability to purchase these items based on his allowance and money that he predicts he will receive for gifts. Out of curiosity I checked the timeline and it was perfect; those were pretty great math skills for a 10 year old but it seemed fun because it was in a context which was important to him.

Kya had a great day as well:
In the morning she watched some educational TV which included Dora the Explorer. It is a little young for her by some standards but she is interested in learning a foreign language and likes learning hearing the Spanish. She also watched a musical with the closed captioning on so she could learn the words to the songs that she couldn't quite decipher. She sang those songs all day(and got some reading practice to boot because you can't help but read along with closed captioning).
She also spent some time outside, listened to me read, and hung out with Grandpa. Incidentally grandpa informed me that at lunch time he has started having the kids read the package directions aloud to him as a way to help. I think he was trying to redeem himself for feeding them so many processed foods. ;)
In the afternoon she also looked at a toy catalog and used some great rounding skills to mentally figure out how much all of the things she wanted cost. (hmmm... I'm seeing a pattern here, perhaps its time to "lose" those catalogs for a while, lol.)
She likes to read at bedtime and settled in with a great stack of picture books and a chapter book to top it all off. She is becoming such a great reader but more importantly she is developing a great love for reading.

In black and white I can see how much the kids learned today and I didn't even write all of the interesting and insightful conversations we had. At the time it felt very relaxing, almost to the point of feeling badly that we weren't being productive. It was so easy and natural yet now I can see that so much learning took place. I guess as they say, you learn something new everyday. ;)

My new role

2009-03-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

When I was teaching public school my role as educator was very clearly defined. There was a curriculum that must be followed, limited resources with which to teach that curriculum, we were confined to the classroom for the most part and it was important that we didn't disturb the other classes. I tried to be creative and come up with activities that would be fun and challenging for the kids but there was very little freedom. Then we started homeschooling; I could do WHATEVER I wanted. ;)

In the beginning it was difficult for me to take off my teacher hat so we all spent some time deschooling- something that I realized we really needed when Jace was asking permission to use the bathroom in his own home. So, after a period of deschooling we settled into some relaxed, predominantly child-led, homeschooling. My role was still to be the teacher, the keeper of the knowledge so to speak. I would discuss with the kids what they wanted to learn then I would find resources to bring that information to them. I bookmarked websites, organized activities, checked books out from the library, and planned field trips. This new way was definately an improvement but it still somehow felt lacking. Then I read about unschooling; the KIDS could do whatever THEY wanted!

Now I am not the keeper of knowledge, I view myself more as a facilitator than a teacher. I no longer ask the kids what they want to learn, they are always learning. My responsibility is to ensure a stimulating environment. I still do some of the same things but in new ways. For example I take the kids to the library and make suggestions for books related to things in which they've expressed an interest but the choosing of books is entirely up to the kids. I still like to go to interesting places and have new experiences with the kids but now those trips aren't necessarily part of a "lesson plan." If the kids ask to visit a place related to an interest we do that of course but other times the trip itself will spark the interest. We have list of places we think are interesting and they are sorted by distance from our house; if we wake up and think it would be a good day for an outing we have a list at our fingertips from which to choose. I make suggestions but I have taken a big step back and follow the kids lead. I feel like we are all learning so much.

Small Successes

2009-03-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

The small successes are really what helps me trust my instincts. As I said before we've been leaning into unschooling for a while so I've really learned to be observant when my kids make progress or show interest in something. You'd think I would be used to the small successes by now but I'm always happily surprised that this REALLY works for us.

My methods of complying with state regulations is to record the activities the kids are choosing and to tally those at the end of each month. (You'd be shocked by how much they do, all without coercion from me.) Kya had a friend sleep over last night so I didn't think there would be much to observe; I figured it would be lots of Barbies, fresh air, and giggled late into the night. I did count some extra-curricular time for art and music as this went along with the games the girls were playing but wasn't really counting on her choosing anything that would count toward core subject time while she had a friend over. When we got home from playgroup I was working on a project at the kitchen table. Kya came and sat next to me with a spelling word search book that she enjoys. I like it because it not only does it encourage spelling skills (which isn't a strength for her) but the lists also have a common theme so it gives us a chance to discuss categories and grouping. Normally she likes for she and I do the pages together so I was surprised to see one of the pages finished that I hadn't helped her with. I asked her if she'd done that on her own and she replied, "No, Leslie helped me with it." So, while she had a friend over she CHOSE to do a workbook page. It is not a very unschooling attitude to be so pleased about this but I am. That's why I don't think of myself as a radical unschooler; I will always be happy when my kids choose, all on their own, to make learning a part of their everyday lives. When a workbook is just as much fun as a Barbie doll, that makes me smile.

Jace also had some success today. He decided to go to playgroup, which he hasn't wanted to do lately and we haven't been forcing him. He brought his Nintendo DS and at first he stayed in the car and played his game. I really wanted him to play with the other kids but I decided to just wait and see how it went. After about half an hour he popped out of the car, smiling and happy. He waved to me on his way by to go play with the other kids. When he was ready to go we talked to Kya and she agreed that she was also ready so we left. I probably wasn't quite ready because I really enjoy the mom time, plus he'd spent all that time in the car and I wanted him to play some more. However, I want him to come back to playgroup on his own. In order for that to happen he needs to feel like it is safe to go to playgroup because he won't be forced to play when he doesn't feel like it or to stay when he's ready to go. We tried that already and it lead to frustration for both of us; we tried something new today and we both had a good time.

All in all, a really good day. :)

A New Direction

2009-03-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

We have been leaning into homeschooling this year. I have difficulty with big changes but if I do them in baby steps I'm fine, so, we leaned. It was last March when we first decided to homeschool and although we had to finish the school year due to contractual obligations we really started the day the decision was made. We no longer cared about grades and tests and things we knew didn't matter. We were just trying to finish the year with as little stress as possible.

We started off thinking Kya would stay in school; Jace was having difficulties and this seemed to be the best solution but Kya didn't "need" to homeschool so she would continue attending public school. It didn't take long for me to get over that misguided notion. We quickly realized that she was getting up early, coming home tired and still had tons of homework and wasn't really learning anything that we felt was valuable. She was also missing out on opportunities to go places and we were always rushing to leave those places so we'd be home before the bus. So in November we decided to pull her out of school too.

This was a bigger adjustment than I'd first anticipated. I was having such an easy time with Jace because he just naturally wants to learn. Kya naturally wants to play. I didn't want her to "fall behind" so I started doing some very structured things. I wanted to reassure myself that we were on the right track. Over the course of several months we tried several approaches which included cheklists, schedules, and "learning baskets." None of it felt quite right and it certainly didn't feel natural. We would stick to it for a while and then it would start slowly phasing out.

I've come to understand that the reason I couldn't stick to it was because deep down I wasn't really comfortable with any of it. We are unschoolers. Maybe not dyed-in-the-wool radical unschoolers but unschoolers none the less. I believe and trust in my children's ability to learn through their experiences and interests. I believe in it to my very core. Of course I still have inevitable moments of panic, especially about math, but I'm coming to terms with those things.

I do still like to be able to look back and reflect upon things so I can reassure myself that they are learning and growing (like I said, I'm not quite a radical unschooler). So, I've decided to keep this blog as a way for me to be able to do just that. This isn't a blog about what types of "school" things they are doing because I won't be requiring that from them. This is a blog about our life experiences and how those experiences create opportunities for them to naturally learn. So, here goes!